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Old 4th November 2007, 05:42 AM   #1
Ayshren
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Unhappy Need some advice

I have been married for a little over 5 years now, and our marriage has basically been rocky from the start. We split up a few months ago and during the split up, I slept with someone else. I have no feelings for this person and have absolutely no contact with him anymore whatsoever. We both really want to work on things, but he is having a terrible time dealing with the fact that I slept with someone else. I never slept with anyone else while we were living together, and I do regret what I did. My question is, how can we get past this and make our marriage work? I understand that he is hurting and is having a hard time dealing with this issue, but I on the other hand do not want to live everyday being reminded of what I did. I truly feel horrible about what I did and wish that I could go back and undo it. This of course is not the only issue we have had in our marriage, but it has certainly made things alot worse. Do you think there is hope for us?
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Old 4th November 2007, 03:21 PM   #2
Kate
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 1,115
Re: Need some advice

Dear Ayshren

There is always hope, but it sounds as if you have a lot to work through. You mention that you regret what happened while you are apart - have you and your husband been able to talk about that time? I guess your husband is trying to work out what it means that you slept with someone, even though you had split up for a while. It may take time for him to trust you again. While I am sure that you just want to put it behind you, you may have to give him time to come to terms with it. Have you been able to ask your husband to forgive you for what happened. Asking for and giving forgiveness is more than just saying sorry or expressing regret - it is a way of working towards real closure about an issue between you, so that it is dealt with once and for all.

Why not have a look at the two articles that I have linked to and see if they are any help in moving things forward.

Keep in touch.

Kate
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Old 5th November 2007, 12:14 AM   #3
danielx
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Re: Need some advice

I do not think you have done anything wrong, Ayshren. Your marriage was rocky, so you split up - it is not clear whose decision that was, or if it was mutual, but there was no telling whether that split would be permanent or not. In any case, you would have been vulnerable at that time, and possibly confused.

Now, for some reason, you are back together again - so it would seem that there is hope, but your husband is now having trouble coming to terms with the consequence of the two of you splitting up before.

There is not, necessarily, anyone at fault here. The courses of your lives have come back together again and you should not be questioning the milestones that you passed on the way, but making the most of the second chance that you have both been given - those milestones may even have been instrumental in giving you that second chance. You are luckier than many.

You are very close to where you want to be, so start from here and make it better - do not revisit the events of the past, or they will become the mistakes of the future.

I wish you all the best.

DX
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Old 5th November 2007, 02:31 AM   #4
Ayshren
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Re: Need some advice

Thank you for your replies. Yes, I have asked him for forgive me for hurting him and he says that he has, but of course its not easy to forget. I think the problem he has is, whenever he thinks of being intimate with me, he wonders if Im comparing him to the other man, etc..and Im not. My mind doesnt work that way. We had a long talk the other night and finally just got everything out, and he says that it is helping him with the healing process. I can tell that he is trying very hard to not keep bringing the topic up. Hopefully with time, things will work out.
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