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Old 6th November 2015, 02:55 PM   #1
eliza23
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 1
Feeling trapped

Requesting your prayers and help! I have been married for 14 years and have 3 children. Our marriage has never been easy, partly because my husband is not very communicative and is utterly passive. His mother is controlling and manipulative and my husband has never stood up for me in front of anyone. I don't feel like I have ever been treated as a wife; more a house-keeper and incubator for grandchildren. I left my career to raise our children and now feel like the worst decision I ever made was to get married. I feel utterly trapped. I don't want to divorce because I know the detrimental effects it will have on the children, but I can't stay in what is essentially a complete farce. We have had our first session at Relate (6 weeks ago) and are waiting for our second, but in that time things have deteriorated again. I now cannot bear to be in the same place as him at all. I don't think I hate him, but I don't have the energy to care about our marriage anymore. Each time I just want him to take the initiative and each time it falls to me to do - I raise issues, I try to resolve conflict, I made the appointment at Relate. Now, it is his turn. He needs to be the man and stop faffing around trying to look like he is making an effort but not actually doing anything substantive to change. I am completely past hope and, I think, beyond caring. But what to do??????? I have nowhere to go to if I leave, the children will have no home and I do not have the finances to support us. Trapped!!
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Old 6th November 2015, 04:45 PM   #2
Lindentree1
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
Re: Feeling trapped

You have only had one session. I'm assuming Relate is some kind of marriage counseling? If you go in with the attitude that you have given up and there is no hope, these sessions will not help you. You must go in with the resolve to improve things. Stop worrying about where he is at in the process right now. Concentrate on what you can get from these sessions. Hopefully he will come around. But let the process play out before you decide there is no hope.

You married him for love, I assume. What was it about him that you loved in the beginning?
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Old 6th November 2015, 08:03 PM   #3
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Feeling trapped

See if you can have weekly sessions for some time. Once every 6 weeks just isnt going to help. BTW controlling and manipulative women and passive men in the same family is so common. My husbands family are like that, also his ex wifes family were, and so are my best friends husbands family. The men are too scared and wussy to stand up to them and the women want complete control. It passes down from generation to generation.
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Old 7th November 2015, 11:34 AM   #4
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Feeling trapped

Maybe you need to accept him as he is as you want to be accepted as you are. We need to work on ourselves and not the other but the relationship itself will help to move you forward if you are not trying to change him.

The mother seems to have some control over him but you musn't let this happen. It is your marriage and your life. There is nothing to stop you encouraging him in the right direction when you see that he is doing some things right. We all need encouragement. There is a place for facing the truth of course, a place for constructive criticism in love to prevent a wrong scenario. You could use words like we instead of you or you always.

As Lindentree says you must have married him for something so surely he cannot be as bad as you paint him.
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