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Old 27th August 2013, 09:22 PM   #211
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I just...I want him to see the real me now, the happy independent woman but I'm trying not to contact him and I have no idea what he will say on the 5th. Any advice?
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Old 27th August 2013, 09:32 PM   #212
toellandback
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 228
Re: Husband has left!

Yes. Be positive, you know your seeing him and when. If you can , let him see the best of you. Shock him with your confidence maybe, even if underneath your paddling like crazy !! You have done so well these past days. I think Raymond may be right. His advice is good.
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Old 27th August 2013, 10:18 PM   #213
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Why is he wanting this big 'meet me on the 5th' thing? Why wait till then if he knows what he will say?
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Old 27th August 2013, 11:09 PM   #214
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

No idea! I don't even think he really knows right now what he wants to say!
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Old 28th August 2013, 10:23 AM   #215
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Why not ask that you can meet earlier?
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Old 28th August 2013, 11:07 AM   #216
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I don't want to. It's always been him picking when we talk and I picked the 5th as I've needed time away to sort myself out, not contact him etc. it cannot be him calling the shots all the time anymore!
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Old 28th August 2013, 12:45 PM   #217
Raymond
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Re: Husband has left!

I agree. It is wise to take control of what you do and make choices. You only need respond to what you want to.
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Old 28th August 2013, 12:47 PM   #218
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I've now reached 48 hours. The longest I have ever done is 6 days...if I can beat that I'm sorted
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Old 28th August 2013, 01:27 PM   #219
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I am panicking though...I just don't want to get my hopes up but equally I don't want to be a downer all the time! I have plans etc if I'm on my own but I just would love him to come home and mean it
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Old 28th August 2013, 09:37 PM   #220
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I find evenings/night time the hardest..and im panicking that he's going to go for good, that our vows meant nothing to him, that I've wasted all this time and effort and it won't mean anything!
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Old 28th August 2013, 10:05 PM   #221
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

Nights are hard. I'm awake quite a bit. If you get worried , just post. Im sure someone will answer. I will think of you should I wake early. Be strong. Your doing so well.
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Old 29th August 2013, 05:26 AM   #222
Bellx15
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Re: Husband has left!

Just thought I'd comment on the divorce situation. The five-year rule only applies if there is no other reason for a divorce. If it can be shown that the marriage has broken down, through adultery, for example, then he can file for divorce without your consent. If there is no such reason, he would have to wait two years anyway, even with your consent, and five years without it.

I have to say that I can relate to your husband's concerns and annoyances to a large extent. If you have been closer to your mother and gran than to him, the marriage is not getting proper priority. So somehow you really are going to need to follow the above advice. Not only do you need to convince him that you have reviewed things and fully understand what you need to do, but you have to genuinely mean it and do it. Otherwise, I'm sorry to say, his fear of yet another break-up will come to pass.

Good luck!
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Old 29th August 2013, 07:44 AM   #223
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I have I can't lie. All 3 of us pulled together when dad died. I felt I had to look after my mum and I did put that first. But that was then not now. Now I see that I was wrong from the point of view
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Old 29th August 2013, 08:26 AM   #224
ronnoco
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Re: Husband has left!

I don't think you have anything to feel bad about with regards to pulling together with your mum and gran over the death of your father. To me, this is perfectly natural.

If I was still wife my wife and her dad had died, I would have totally expected her to be in a very dark place for a long time. As her husband I would have fully supported her through this terrible stage in her life. That's what being married is about. You are together for better or worse, sickness and health....it's just a stage and a stage you get past together.

Maybe you were a bit too close with your mother with other things but not this, don't think how you handled your fathers death has been the demise of your marriage. If it was, in my opinion your marriage would have never lasted as the fundamental rules of marriage aren't being followed.

I think some people just aren't cut out for marriage. Maybe that's why 40% end in divorce.
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Old 29th August 2013, 08:51 AM   #225
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Dad was only 55 as well and was gone within 3weeks which made it all the more harder to deal with. It made me freak out. I freaked out he never got to see a grandchild and I felt like I needed to have a baby so my gran could at least see her great gran child, I freaked out that life was pointless. He blames my attitude at that time for him leaving but in truth it's his issues not mine!
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