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Old 15th April 2016, 05:59 PM   #1
Mint Tea
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 2
Unhappy End of the Road

Hello

I hope that someone can honestly let me know whether or not I am being hysterical.

We've been married for 20 years. Over the years he has had numerous affairs, flirtations with other women while I am standing right there, secret text messages to other women that I have found in his phone. In addition, whenever things have gone wrong, he has never been there for me and yet I have always been there to support and help him.

There have been two things which have occurred within the last six months that have made me feel like the biggest fool ever. In December I found facebook messages between him and other women, flirting, compliments etc. During the time that I was trying to find out from him exactly what was going on, he kept avoiding the issue, making out the other women were misunderstanding him etc - basically making out that the problem was either with me or these other women. On one occasion when we were having an argument, he chose to turn his back on me and go out dancing!

A few weeks ago, one of our children, who is away at university, tried to commit suicide. It was a horrible time. He chose to turn his back on me again by allowing me to do a 6 hour round trip, alone, to collect our child - at which point I had no idea what state my child would be in! His excuse was that he has just started a new job and he is on trial and he doesn't want to give his new employers any excuse not to make him a permanent member of staff! He "kindly" left the sat nav on the table for me to find my way! He never spoke to me about it. He simply dropped the crisis in my lap and walked away!

Am really stupid aren't I?
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Old 16th April 2016, 01:03 PM   #2
chosen
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Posts: 5,794
Re: End of the Road

Hi Mint tea

Firstly I am so sorry about your child, unbelievable that he didnt go with you, what must your child have thought of that?
He is clearly a man with nor moral values or integrity and with no intention of ever being faithful. Why are you still with a serial adulterer, cheat, liar and flirt? I would have left long ago. The thing is that by doing nothing you have enabled his affiairs and terrible behaviour, and made him think that he can get away with it over and over again. You need to make a decision, live with his lies and affairs and deception for the rest of your life, or leave him and begin a new life with new self respect.
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Old 16th April 2016, 04:34 PM   #3
Raymond
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Posts: 6,409
Re: End of the Road

Whilst you haven't mentioned actual adultery there would be mental adultery going on which can be as bad sometimes. Marriage is an intimate thing and this sort of thing can seriously weaken it and kill the trust. To sit there and do it in front of you on his phone shows that you should have seriously confronted it a long time ago.

I think the anwer has now become drastic and you will need to say to him them or me and not put up with any more of it. True it might break the marriage but it could also make the marriage. Living in this halfway house just causes you to be a doormat.
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Old 17th April 2016, 06:21 PM   #4
Mint Tea
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Re: End of the Road

Thank you, Chosen and Raymond, I am very grateful for your time in giving me your honest response.

I have tried so hard to make my marriage work and I strongly believed that as a christian I should stick it out to the bitter end. However, it is killing me remaining in this situation where I clearly see that I am the only one trying to make things work and I feel thwarted at every corner.

It has been long in coming, but I need to end it and walk away and start my life again without him. I will do exactly that.
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Old 17th April 2016, 09:45 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: End of the Road

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mint Tea View Post
Thank you, Chosen and Raymond, I am very grateful for your time in giving me your honest response.

I have tried so hard to make my marriage work and I strongly believed that as a christian I should stick it out to the bitter end. However, it is killing me remaining in this situation where I clearly see that I am the only one trying to make things work and I feel thwarted at every corner.

It has been long in coming, but I need to end it and walk away and start my life again without him. I will do exactly that.
I am a Christian also as is my husband and we are both previously divorced. God allows for a marriage to end for certain reasons, and one of them is adultery. In your husbands case there is no repentance and he is a repeat offender. I am assuming that he isnt a Christian?
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Old 18th April 2016, 06:18 PM   #6
Raymond
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Re: End of the Road

You have to make your own decisions Mint Tea but if there is only one working on the marriage it is very hard. One doesn't divorce over every problem but when they stray into the sexual and amoral it kills the marriage and the marital intimacy. I think you ought to confront strongly as suggested and not put up with it. Even the scriptures allow for divorce on matters of sexual immorality. Maybe when you confront on the basis of "them or me" you will get a reaction, but depending on what that reaction is you will know the way forward. These things can drag on forever if there is no repentance and we have talked with wives on here who never seem to get to that place of peace because they have been putting up with their husbands straying for so long and are now afraid to leave.
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