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12th July 2014, 05:22 PM
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#61
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Well by acting cool and distant but still polite maybe that will work. By showing her that you are moving on without her, she may see the light. Even if she still doesnt change, at least you have tried.
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14th July 2014, 05:06 PM
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#62
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 345
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen
Well by acting cool and distant but still polite maybe that will work. By showing her that you are moving on without her, she may see the light. Even if she still doesnt change, at least you have tried.
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Been a lot to think about. I'm trying to compose a letter but it's hard to try and make it how I want it, so I'm taking my time with that. I'm still in two minds to go on this day out to the theme park with her too.
I think once I finish the letter things will be put in place and then I guess we will see what happens.
I will keep you updated with any relevant changes etc. I would like to thank you again for all your help
Speak soon...
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14th July 2014, 05:30 PM
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#63
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Maybe dont try and say too much or make it too detailed or complicated. When is the trip to the theme park?
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14th July 2014, 06:26 PM
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#64
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 345
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen
Maybe dont try and say too much or make it too detailed or complicated. When is the trip to the theme park?
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Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. It's the hardest letter I have ever tried to write. I will try and simplify things and not talk for the sake of it.
Well it's not a defined date but I was thinking next week.
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14th July 2014, 06:53 PM
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#65
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by UkGuy
Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. It's the hardest letter I have ever tried to write. I will try and simplify things and not talk for the sake of it.
Well it's not a defined date but I was thinking next week.
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Are your kid going to be jealous when they find out!?!?
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14th July 2014, 10:43 PM
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#66
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 345
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen
Are your kid going to be jealous when they find out!?!?
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They won't know.
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15th July 2014, 01:25 PM
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#67
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by UkGuy
They won't know.
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Where will they be then? The schools break up in a week dont they?
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15th July 2014, 07:17 PM
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#68
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Just back from holiday. There is so much on here to catch up with on here.
Regarding the date or whatever one wants to call it I don't think the kids will be jealous. Most kids want their parents to get back together I would think. Maybe it won't happen but that's what they might think.
Although the control might have parted the marriage the phrase "I want to be single" does rather discourage reconciliation. One can only take her at her word.
I would add though that co-operating in looking after the children is not using you in itself in the sense that you are one of the parents as well. I know there are other things where she might be using you. She seems an able person to me in supporting herself. I wonder if she has somehow been deceived with the talking amongst the women regarding it being better to be single. One can imagine them grumbling about their other halves possibly and making a club of it.
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15th July 2014, 07:34 PM
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#69
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 345
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
Just back from holiday. There is so much on here to catch up with on here.
Regarding the date or whatever one wants to call it I don't think the kids will be jealous. Most kids want their parents to get back together I would think. Maybe it won't happen but that's what they might think.
Although the control might have parted the marriage the phrase "I want to be single" does rather discourage reconciliation. One can only take her at her word.
I would add though that co-operating in looking after the children is not using you in itself in the sense that you are one of the parents as well. I know there are other things where she might be using you. She seems an able person to me in supporting herself. I wonder if she has somehow been deceived with the talking amongst the women regarding it being better to be single. One can imagine them grumbling about their other halves possibly and making a club of it.
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Yes I agree with the co-operating in looking after the children but she doesn't need to do some of the things if she really wants to be single. She rings about the kids and then changes subject for a chat in general. The expectation and going be on the means of general things that people who spilt up shouldn't do for their ex. Like you guys mentioned she's hasn't felt what it's like to be single as I have always helped out or been their when she's needed.
I do think her friend have probably had words to put her off about me but who knows if they have made her think that.
I want to put something in action today when I see her shortly. I'm thinking shall I just tell her we just talk only about the kids or shall I go on this day out with her and ask her what day is best?
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15th July 2014, 07:40 PM
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#70
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
Just back from holiday. There is so much on here to catch up with on here.
Regarding the date or whatever one wants to call it I don't think the kids will be jealous. Most kids want their parents to get back together I would think. Maybe it won't happen but that's what they might think.
Although the control might have parted the marriage the phrase "I want to be single" does rather discourage reconciliation. One can only take her at her word.
I would add though that co-operating in looking after the children is not using you in itself in the sense that you are one of the parents as well. I know there are other things where she might be using you. She seems an able person to me in supporting herself. I wonder if she has somehow been deceived with the talking amongst the women regarding it being better to be single. One can imagine them grumbling about their other halves possibly and making a club of it.
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I meant jealous of the trip to the theme park, not that their parents were gong out! When my kids were young, we had little money, and our once a year family trip to a theme park was such a treat for them. That's why I asked, cos my kids loved it so much.
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15th July 2014, 07:41 PM
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#71
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Did you get that letter finished?If so give her that.
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15th July 2014, 07:51 PM
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#72
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 345
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen
Did you get that letter finished?If so give her that.
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No, I just can't make sense of it. How I feel right now I just need to say something to her eg the day out or tell her how I feel and I can't go on like this and it's best to speak only about the kids. I will put the ball in her court and say if she want to go to counselling or maybe a date/try again then to let me know but for now it's just about the kids.
I know it's going to feel like losing her again as this is a big step
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15th July 2014, 07:54 PM
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#73
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by UkGuy
No, I just can't make sense of it. How I feel right now I just need to say something to her eg the day out or tell her how I feel and I can't go on like this and it's best to speak only about the kids. I will put the ball in her court and say if she want to go to counselling or maybe a date/try again then to let me know but for now it's just about the kids.
I know it's going to feel like losing her again as this is a big step
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Sometimes you have to cut someone free to see if they will come back. Its a risk but its often the only way to sort a stalemate like this out. She seems to have no desire for anything to change. I think she is liking her new way of life far too much to make any effort to work on the marriage.
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15th July 2014, 07:57 PM
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#74
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 345
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen
Sometimes you have to cut someone free to see if they will come back. Its a risk but its often the only way to sort a stalemate like this out. She seems to have no desire for anything to change. I think she is liking her new way of life far too much to make any effort to work on the marriage.
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Think there is only one thing to say to her then
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15th July 2014, 08:01 PM
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#75
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 345
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Re: I really don't know what to do! Help needed please
Is there anything specific or anything you would mention to her if it were you?
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