ex-wife's BF smacking my kids! So upset and angry

[ronnoco]

Hi Cabbage,

Thanks for coming back and keeping us updated.

Good that this no good guy is out of the picture. Not surprising she has another bf - she's a lost soul.

Sounds like you have done a thoroughly professional job all round with handling custody and finances, well done.

I'm not too sure about all the figures but I think you are right in that you need to think long term.

What your ex does now is down to her. Chances are she probably will loose the house or just keep topping the mortgage up because she is a loose canon. That's out of your control now, you just need to think about yourself and the kiddies and how you are with them. Hopefully you and your ex can learn to work together as allies.

I know how you feel about the shock thing - I really do....

You have a strong mind and spirit and you absolutely will re-build, i'm sure of that

All the best!

[chosen]

Well ifs its been done sort of half and half then thats fair. She has a good income, and if she cant manage with that, then something is wrong. She will have to learn to live within her means and be sensible with money.
I hope that she isnt going to jump from one man to the next, the children are going to get very confused.
Can you afford a small flat to rent?

[cabbage]

hi, i could possibly afford something small

[chosen]

Did you have legal advise about all the finances etc?

[cabbage]

Hi, i didn't have any direct legal financial advise. Just worked through with the mediator!

[cabbage]

Hi all,

Just another update;

All is fine, the kids are fine and the consent order is almost ready to go to court.

She is still with the same BF and nothing bad about him has come out!

We have found out that I cannot sign the house over to her as she doesn't earn enough. This means I will be tied into the mortgage but its not a major concern to me. I'm not in the best position to find a mortgage! I have still agreed to give her the house and the contents.

She has recently decided to sell the house. I have explained to her that its a big decision but I am not forcing her to sell. I'm not going to stand in her way. I don't want her selling it just for the reason to release me from the mortgage. She says she wants to because she doesn't have enough money and if she rents she will get more support from the benefits and according to her she will be financially better off! I don't really understand this as it was clear from the financial disclosure that she had an excess every month!

I am just slightly worried that she is doing it for other reasons. May be she feels emotionally tied to it? I also worry about the kids and their future. The house was something I had always wanted them to have, something to pass on for their future. She has informed me that she intends to put the proceeds of the sale into a trust fund for them. She should get about 40K but I honestly don't know if she will? I have told her that I don't want the kids to move schools. She intends to stay around the same catchment area.

It could all be a phase she is going through and might even change her mind next week!

I suppose I need to stop worrying as the house is officially hers to do with what she wishes. I have give her everything that I have her worked for and owned so there's not much more I can do except to be a good dad and be there for the kids!

[ronnoco]

Why exactly are you giving your wife the house and this 40k of equity?

When not sell the house and have 50% each?

Don't waste your time trying to work out if she's doing this for this reason and that for that reason - you'll never know.

All you can really control now is what happens with you and the kids and making a future with and for them yourself.

[chosen]

I agree with ronocco, its not your problem why she does what, just carry on being a good dad.

[Raymond]

If she is still with this boyfriend I don't know why you are setting them up with money. I think you are better off getting what you can from a sale and helping the children. After all she has been unfaithful and is adultery. Why enable it?

[cabbage]

Hi all,

Just to clear some things up;

She is no longer with the orginal scum bag of a bf. This is a new bf and he seems ok!

I am giving her the house and in turn she has no right of claim to my pension. All the contents and the equity is hers.

Thanks