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Old 31st July 2006, 12:34 PM   #1
navnitshyam
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Question Help on My marriage

Hi there, my wife and I have been married for the past 20 months. Unfortunately, things doesn't seem to work out as they should.

I give her everything she requires, food, shelter, love and money. However, she keeps on saying that she wants to separate. I try the maximum to get along with her and her family. Give my respect to all of them.

We now have a nice baby of three months. My mother in Law keeps on calling at home everyday and my wife does the same. My mother in Law keeps on telling her to separate and divorce.

Sometimes she is ok, sometimes she goes on mood swing. She now decided to leave the house and take my baby away. Her moms came to my place and told her that she has to separate.

Please help me as to how can i protect my baby and my family.

Thanks


Shyam
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Old 31st July 2006, 12:43 PM   #2
Helen
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Re: Help on My marriage

Shyam,

Could you say a bit more about why your wife wants to separate? If it were just her, I would put it down to her but your mother in law is saying the same thing and they are both saying it within a short time of the wedding and birth of your child. This would seem to indicate that there is a bit more going on than meets the eye.

I take it that you are Indian? If I have got this wrong, I apologise. If you are, does your wife share your culture? I have to say if you are Indian, this makes your wife's insistance on separating even more notable. Such things are unusual in that culture.

Could you tell us more about your relationship with your wife? I know you said you give her food, love, shelter and money but there is more to marriage than this. How do you and your wife interact? Does she have equal say? Are you supportive? Are there any arguments/fights? And how old are you both?

Thanks


Helen
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Old 31st July 2006, 01:56 PM   #3
navnitshyam
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Re: Help on My marriage

Hi Helen,

Thanks for your reply. We both share the same culture, however, I am from Mauritius and she is from India. She doesn't like the fact that my relatives speaks french though they do speak same language as her. However, as mentionned before, she does wish to separate because of her mom.

She hardly speaks and interact at all. She has to be told everything to be done. She never take initiative on her own. She doesn't seems interested at all. She frequently argues and jumps into conclusion. We are both 32.

Hope you can be of any help.

Thanks.

Shyam
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Old 31st July 2006, 02:03 PM   #4
navnitshyam
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Re: Help on My marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen
Shyam,

Could you say a bit more about why your wife wants to separate? If it were just her, I would put it down to her but your mother in law is saying the same thing and they are both saying it within a short time of the wedding and birth of your child. This would seem to indicate that there is a bit more going on than meets the eye.

I take it that you are Indian? If I have got this wrong, I apologise. If you are, does your wife share your culture? I have to say if you are Indian, this makes your wife's insistance on separating even more notable. Such things are unusual in that culture.

Could you tell us more about your relationship with your wife? I know you said you give her food, love, shelter and money but there is more to marriage than this. How do you and your wife interact? Does she have equal say? Are you supportive? Are there any arguments/fights? And how old are you both?

Thanks


Helen
Hi Helen,

Thanks for your reply. We both share the same culture, however, I am from Mauritius and she is from India. She doesn't like the fact that my relatives speaks french though they do speak same language as her. However, as mentionned before, she does wish to separate because of her mom.

She hardly speaks and interact at all. She has to be told everything to be done. She never take initiative on her own. She doesn't seems interested at all. She frequently argues and jumps into conclusion. We are both 32.

Hope you can be of any help.

Thanks.

Shyam
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Old 31st July 2006, 02:22 PM   #5
Helen
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Re: Help on My marriage

Shyam

Do not take this the wrong way but I think there is more to this story than you have indicated here. Surely your wife and her mother knew that your family spoke French as well as your wife's family language before you married? The fact that you speak 2 different languages at times isn't reason enough to divorce. I do not undersand why your mother in law would be insisting on this. Divorce is a disgraceful thing in Indian culture. For her to be recommending this to her daughter must mean that things are very bad between you. Why does your mother in law think you should divorce? What does she say to her daughter? What does she say to you? And what does your wife say?

It sounds to me as though your wife was raised in a sheltered way, with her mother doing everything. This may be why she is unable to do anything/think proactively for herself and why she does what her mother says with regard to your relationship. Either that or it's cultural. In some cultures girls are bought up to be dependent on their spouses/families and to need a lot of instruction. The difference here though is when a woman marries, she normally marries into the groom's family. So I don't understand why her mother is able to have so much say over your relationship, baby, etc.

I would still like to know more about what is going on. Demands for divorce do not just come out of the blue if you are a loving, generous spouse. Is there anything else going on? With regard to this situation I think you are going to have to put your foot down. I would indicate that you don't know how things are done where they come from but in your culture divorce isn't just granted on a whim. You need to know exactly why your mother in law thinks her daughter should divorce you. The other thing - I am not sure where you are but I suspect that you would have to be agreeable to the divorce. If you are not I would tell your wife this. No way will you agree to anything until she explains why she wants to take the action she is proposing to take.

I do hope you are able to provide more information. There are lots of people on this site who would be able to give you useful advice but they can only do this if they know exactly what is (and has been) going on.


Helen
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