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Old 17th November 2011, 12:07 PM   #181
beenthere
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Okay, i am confused, one minute Barones is told she is living in sin(which she is) then after her explanation she is told, just hang in there and live as roommates. Barones, i understand you love this man but your relationship with Christ should be the focus. Regardless of what your reasons are, and you being a child of God is going to have to trust God. Sometimes I think we pray and pray and ask God what to do when in all actuality, shacking up has nothing to do with Him. God is not the author of confusion the devil is. How can you be a roommate now with this man that you have deep feelings with and history with. That is a trick of the enemy to make you believe that can happen. Praying and asking God what to do, you already know what to do. His word tell you what to do, TRUST HIM. You having no place to go, no money and so on is not a reason to continue in sin. God wants you to step out on faith. You can pray and continue to pray, but we have a part to do also. God cant help us if we dont help ourselves. I am not saying it is easy by any means, but what your prayer should be is God give me to trust you and show me how to trust you. Believe you me, if you are sincere and really want to do the right thing, God will meet you where you are and he will not let you fail. Will it be easy, maybe not, but he will not fail and the good thing about it is you will be out of that sinful situation so you can reap his blessings. So, I thank you for your postings, because it has shown me that yes, prayer changes things, but I can not please God witouth faith and faith without works is dead, so therefore I have a part to do, and you do also. You have prayed, now step out on faith. And also, you should not have to beg a man to marry you, the bible said He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and you are a good thing and your man is just not the one (at this time). Barones, this love thing is something else, but you getting your life back on track with Christ is even better and God will reward you. Lest not make excuses for the lack of trust we have in God. Your Father (God) is rich and own the cattle on a thousand hilsl. He will not spoil his record on you. Meaning He cant fail and he will not start with you. So, if you really want God to bless you, you have to remove yourself from the sinful situation. A dope addict cant keep saying lord help me and continuing to light the pipe and hanging out at the dope house, he/she has to remove themselves from the situation. I hope all work out and Gob bless.

Last edited by beenthere; 17th November 2011 at 12:14 PM.
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Old 17th November 2011, 03:04 PM   #182
Forever
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Beenthere,

Baroness has no job, is suffering from a back problem, has no friends or family that she can live with at the moment, and cant rent a place without qualifying financially for it...which she has no money to do, and no running vehicle.

So it is easy for us to just tell her to walk out of that situation in faith, but realize that maybe God does not want her to just sleep on the dirt under some tree somewhere.

They have not had sex for a year now, and Baroness has committed not to do so if he does approach her. They do not even sleep in the same bed. So "room mates" is what they are going to have to be for the time being until God provides an "open door" for her to leave otherwise.

Last edited by Forever; 17th November 2011 at 03:10 PM.
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Old 17th November 2011, 03:12 PM   #183
Chamomile
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Hi

I agree, Forever.. There's a saying "Don't beat a dead horse".

B has enough trouble already. Persecuting someone by bringing up a moral standard isn't going to help her already difficult situation.
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Old 17th November 2011, 07:49 PM   #184
Raymond
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Nevertheless we are hoping that the opportunity to move out will come rather than just walking out with no arrangements.

The main question I would think you would be struggling with Baroness is do you want to marry this man or not. If you don't there is more urgency to depart I would have thought. I believe you will find that God will honour your faith in this. I know it is very difficult for you.
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Old 18th November 2011, 12:13 AM   #185
beenthere
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Forever,
We really dont know the whole story and the God of the bible do want us to trust Him and walk out on faith. If the God you serve will leave you laying in the dirt then, I dont know what to say. But, as a woman with deep feelings, it would be hard to not give in to temptation and Baroness know that is true. i am not persecuting her, every ones post that I have read have spoke about the Lord, the bible. So, I was taught the bible stands alone, we can say what God would not like and so on, but the truth is no matter how we fix it god is against sin and He always give us an escape. There are many programs and so forth that can help. i am just saying to Barones, and yes it is hard, but if you are truly sincere in your heart and do not want to continue to live in sin, God will promise. Why i say that, because I had a situation that it looked as if there was nothing that can be done and I was told nothing can be done, well when I started praising God for what I knew He could do, and a door was open. So when it looks like you are at your end and dont have anyone else, always remember God will always give you an escape (if you are sincere) I believe Forever once you found out she was not married you told her to move also. So lets just be careful on these forums. For one, its not about us but trying to give good advise to a woman who is in a bad situation and has now given herself to Christ. We should encourage her to trust God, and try to make moves (her mom, friends, church family) something. Encouraging someone to stay in sin is not something my Christianity will allow me to do. I know I serve an awesome God and He has always delivered for me especially when in bad situations. SO Boraness, was it easy, no, but because of God I got the victory and you can to. I say talk to your pastor and I can guarantee that no matter what they will not encourage you to stay in sin and anyone who does is against the word. You are either for God or against God. We are not perfect but when we know we are living in sin it is up to us to change the situation. And Baroness, have a plan and ask God to direct you where to go for resources. You can do, My sister did when she was in a state with no family and friends and you can to. I'm praying for you.
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Old 18th November 2011, 02:22 AM   #186
Forever
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Beenthere,

Some of us have been through the whole story with Baroness from the beginning.

She expressly said she cannot go to her mom's and there is no one else she can move in with at the moment. She will either have to pack a bag and hit the streets or wait on God for an open door (which is what I suggested). Meanwhile she has repented and is not going to be living in fornication.

If she moved in with her brother, that would not be considered sin...because no one would assume that they would be having sex, and if she stayed with Gabby that is not "continuing" the sexual sin...she was already living there years before coming to this forum... and there are practical necessities that have to happen first before she can leave at this point. It was the sexual component that made the sin...not so much the living arrangement ...although that should have never happened, but it did...The Scriptures tell us to avoid even the appearance of evil, but it is too late to do anything about that now. So she is not "staying in sin"...she is just staying "in the apartment" for now until she can find a way to get out. She will just have to handle the temptation if it presents itself like any of us would have to.


I'd prefer to address Baroness rather than yourself from here on out on this particular thread if you dont mind. Sometimes it is best to keep comments directly to the original poster to avoid contention. The OP can decide for themselves what is the right thing to do...the rest of us just give our advice or personal opinion.

Last edited by Forever; 18th November 2011 at 03:16 AM.
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Old 18th November 2011, 02:29 AM   #187
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

First of all, beenthere, since you haven't been posting on this thread for too long I will fill you in with a few things. I got the feeling from your post that you thought I just came to God and I have actually been a christian since I was ten years old, but strayed and in that period I met my fiance and moved in with him.I know about all of the scripture you quoted and in fact, am a ministers daughter, although my father is dead now.

I came on this post because he started sleeping on the sofa and we stopped having sex and this was close to 2 years ago. On this thread I got advice and in the process came back to God full force even though I had been praying but I gave over my whole life to God and started thinking differently, as it should be. I am not upset with Forever in the least because while she was very direct I thought about it and realized she was right and so was Chosen, Chamomile, and Raymond.

I know about how God wants us to be and I know that living with a man, even though I love him is wrong and a sin, I have no problem in admitting that and yet it was my understanding that we were going to get married and so we moved in. If I had been close to God then I wouldn't have moved in with him without being married. The people on here helped me very much because I was getting pretty frustrated and desperate before I came on here.

I believe God led me to this website and I didn't know everyone was a christian but when I found out all I wanted to do was to hear from christian women going through the same problem. However, and its my fault entirely, they were giving me advice as a married woman. I feel married but of course I am not so I find myself in this predicament. Yes, I still love him and the sex thing was a big issue for me and I can't believe I asked God to fix it when it would mean sinning. How stupid was that?

This has all just occurred to me when I told everyone I wasn't married, just a common law marriage which really has nothing to do with the bible. I used to have a healing ministry when I was young but a series of events caused me to grow impatient and go out and do my own thing. Now I am close to God again and getting closer every day and I am now taking a look at my life.

I have asked God for direction but to just pack a bag, leave everything here, and walk out the door in hopes of having a place to stay tonight is not going to happen. First of all, its important for me to stay in God's will. That would be a foolish thing to do because even though I trust God to take care of me, he also wants me to wait until he opens the door, if he opens the door. He also expects me to use a little wisdom.

We are not sleeping together and so we are not sinning and God knows that I have no means to leave right now and the last thing I need to do is be hasty and not wait for God to show me what to do.I must wait on the lord for an answer. Its true that I have osteoarthritis and my back hurts and I have no means of support at this time. I am not going to go to some shelter like a homeless person.

How can that be of God? I am not sinning, he sleeps on the sofa every night and its been over a year since we had sex and this was the basis of me coming on here. Now I realize that God couldn't answer my prayer about fixing his problem. He has asked me to marry him about 3 times and he says we don't have the money to do so and he's right because right now we can hardly pay the bills.

I sometimes think he doesn't want to get married but I've given him every out and he always says he does. He was a catholic so he doesn't believe as I do. He meditates and that's it and if it bothers him that we aren't married, its news to me. He said we'd be together forever and part of me does believe he wants to marry me but for him there is no urgency while for me there is.

Raymond and others asked me if I even want to marry a man who doesn't have sex with me and doesn't believe like I do. The answer is not really, but if God wants us to be married and stay together then he would give me the grace to accept this and perhaps we would have a normal life as a married couple. I don't know. Part of me wants to stay with him because I still care for him and I don't really want anyone else.

The other part of me is afraid that as long as I remain here God can't show me another life that he has planned for me, another man who is a true christian and more like me and does want to be with me in every way. His hands are tied as long as I'm here. It all amounts to me wanting whatever God wants for me because that is his perfect will and I don't want to be in his permissive will or out of his will. I have given my life over to him and I am a strong person and determined.

If I say on here that no matter what, if he suddenly got down on his knees and set a wedding date and wanted to sleep with me then and there, I would not do it. I spent most of my young life doing whatever God wanted me to do. I did not make a move until I asked myself if this is what God wanted. Of course I strayed but I have not forgotten anything I was taught regarding God and if I say I am not going to sin with him, then I won't.

I know the tricks of the enemy very well since he has been fighting against me so much lately and that is because I am getting closer to God daily and he wants to destroy that. We are in a battle of wills. This is a fight to the finish and I have my sword and shield and know how to use them, and I am speaking spiritually here.

I have come to far to go back now. I overcame vodka, a sometimes wild life, losing a job and going through menopause and now this and believe me nothing is going to keep me from God anymore. Satan has held me back long enough and I will conquer this problem and Gods will will be revealed to me and it could go either way. Sure, I'd like to find some good looking christian man who was romantic and wanted to marry me and make love to me at least 3 times a week.

But if for some reason God wants me to stay with Gabby and marry him then that's what I shall do. I asked God to take away my love for him if it was not his will. He did that for my mother and I know he can do it if that's what he wants to do. Sure, God is magnificent and he can do anything but I also know we are allowed to go through things and I believe he has a calling on Gabby's life and he has come so far.

He isn't a catholic anymore and repeated the sinners prayer a couple of years after we met but he believes that all he needs in his life is meditation and I know he feels the holy spirit but he just can't discern that certain things are wrong because he is very stubborn and catholics are very hard to sway. Of course I've asked God to show him the way because I can do no more.

No, I must wait for God's direction and his direction will come perfectly in time and everything will go smoothly and there will be no confusion because that's what happens when God has planned something for us. And yes, I have thought that things might not be going so well for us because we are not married. Just marrying him doesn't mean that is God's will. He could have somebody else for me. Or not.

Whatever I have to do; whether it be to marry him and stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling for me, or breaking up with him and going my own way, it will be very hard. I love my home and have put a lot of work and money into it. I was never rich or anything but I am very proud of my home and we both like it here. We decorated it together and as I've said, we get along well together because neither one of us is demanding or clingy and we just support each other. It isn't perfect but what relationship is?

Perhaps the enemy is trying to destroy the two of us as well, if God has a plan for us as a married couple, that is. I do not know. Only God knows what he wants for me and he isn't going to tell me to pack a bag and take my chances. I am expecting to have a decision about my disability and ssi by January. I have an attorney who is working on it, who thinks I will win and so does Gabby.

By that time I expect God to have shown me what to do because I will be owed back disability since last March and it will be the perfect time to find a place of my own. Our 10th year anniversary will be next May but when I hear the decision about the money, I will tell gabby that I have to move out because its clear he doesn't want to marry me and I cannot live with a man I am not married to, whether we don't sleep together or not.

He already knows I feel this way because a couple of months ago I told him so, I told him I wasn't going to hell over any man. If he chooses to offer more excuses then I will not argue with him but I will leave. By that time, if God has shown me what to do, I will have already looked into places and when I get one I will then have this talk with him.

Of course we would still have the problem of the no sex after we were married but living the way God wants me to is more important than his low sex drive. He used to be the most important thing to me, now God is and I have to do what's right but I can't just run out in a haste and hope God has my back even though he hasn't shown me what to do or opened any doors.

I will not step out of Gods will again. When I was very young I got tired of waiting for him to bring me someone so I married my first husband and we all saw how that turned out. He was on drugs and I found out and there went my first divorce. No, I'm done with making hasty decisions about men. I can no longer act alone for God and I are together and so I must wait for him to show me what I should do.

I trust him and I believe in him and I know he will show me what to do. I worry sometimes about if i'll ever find the right christian man who I am attracted to and yet I know that worry in itself is also a sin because we are supposed to trust in God and have faith.

Chosen, Forever, thank you for your support in this and Raymond and Chamomile too but I think I've had the longest dealings with Chosen and Forever on a continual basis. This morning when I was praying I told God that I was just going to thank him for the answer and not worry about anything today and just be happy and not dwell on any negative thoughts.

What a difference that made. At one point I even kissed gabby on the forehead, I forget why, but it was good to be happy and positive again and when I caught myself starting to think negatively I brushed it asked and just talked to God again. I am putting everything into trusting him and while I only see what's in front of me, and what a mess it is, God sees what's ahead and has worked out everything already even though I don't see it yet.

Last edited by Baroness; 18th November 2011 at 02:58 AM.
 
Old 18th November 2011, 03:10 AM   #188
Baroness
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Baronness

Forever, you just don't know how much I appreciate all of your efforts and the others as well. It matters very much to me that 'christian women' are giving to advice and sometimes I don't take it so well, but in the end I do accept it because I know that you are doing your best to council me. I now what is wrong and right of course, but it helps to talk to another christian woman.

I would never be at this point if I hadn't come on this site and we've had our ups and downs and people have left but through it all I have discovered very much about myself and I have actually changed, I got back to God and read his word every day and he helps me so much. 1aokgal helped me see my creative side and I do enjoy making the hats but there are other things at stake and keeping yourself busy is good but it can't be a substitute for taking a look at yourself and facing things head on.

I often wonder how come god just didn't let me get a job but then I might not have been in the place I am now spiritually so I feel that's what God has been waiting for. These are all individual steps in my life that will lead me to what God has for me. Sometimes they are hard steps but I have learned from each and every one.

It feels so wonderful to be back with God where I belong. While I was doing my own thing something seemed like it was always missing and so I looked to a man to fix it. But it wasn't a man who could fix it, it was that I had walked away from my God, the one who was with me since I was a little girl and now I am back and the missing puzzle piece has been found.

I thank God for bringing me here and I thank all of you for your patience and understanding. I feel like this is just the beginning of a wonderful life and I am not afraid. No matter what I have to do, I am not afraid because I know God is holding my hand through each and every step.

God bless all of you.
 
Old 18th November 2011, 03:57 AM   #189
Forever
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Baroness,
It has been very rewarding to help another sister in Christ...you are so very welcome! We often take twists and turns in our lives and make choices that we ought not to...but thanks be to God He is not going to abandon us...lets us suffer, yes, but not abandon us. Please keep us informed to what God leads...

Big big cyber hug,
Forever
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Old 18th November 2011, 05:24 AM   #190
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Baroness..

I read your posts from time to time. I'm glad I was able to spark the creative side of you and share the hatmaking.

Baroness, I'm sorry to see your struggle. I had some really hard times in my own life so my heart goes out to any woman trying to find a path to happiness. It is hard to make decisions when we lack the means and have fear of the future. I hope things will go well for you.
 
Old 18th November 2011, 06:24 AM   #191
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

1aokgal, its very nice to hear from you again. I was thinking of you because I sold my first hat on etsy and I wanted to tell you about it but I couldn't. It was a very nice feeling but she wanted me to take the feathers off! They matched the hat perfectly but she wanted it plain so I did as she asked. I finally sell a hat and I had to take off my decorations. Oh well.

I hope you are doing well. I am doing much better. Life is kind of strange sometimes. You never think you are going to be in a situation and then you find yourself in one and wonder how you got there. Its very hard to have a way of life and then know that it might change. But who is to say the change might not be the best thing that could have happened?

I don't know, i'm just doing the best I can under the circumstances. I think i've gone through more in the past 2 years than I ever have in years past. However; I do think I'm in a better place mentally and spiritually than I have been in about 8 years.
 
Old 18th November 2011, 07:45 PM   #192
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Baroness..

I can only tell you that other women have been in your position and it seems impossible at the time. You are a smart lady and just think out your moves ahead.

Congratulations on the hat sold. Remember authentic pattern hats sell to specific customers who pay more to match those pricey period outfits. That is a better market than someone who buys a vintage hat.

A woman I knew years ago created beautiful Civil War bonnets sold on her website. She used the same easy base pattern, with tastefull flower trim and pretty ribbon ties. Her bonnets sold for about $200 and she always had back. I bought two of her bonnets and they are with a buckram interling, a firm base, and so pretty. She was on the list for Civil war societies, re-enactor and theatrical costume lists and sold through several websites. No wonder she did so well.

The bonnets with all made the same but in velvet, silk, taffetta and it always looked different with fine touches and trim. She knew how to do them efficiently as she cut a number at once. She made a fine business. I was sad to learn she died of a stroke in her 50's. I know others with similar success with these items. So don't get discouraged. Good luck.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 18th November 2011 at 10:36 PM.
 
Old 19th November 2011, 01:38 AM   #193
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

There's a lady like that on etsy called civilwarlady and I did a bonnet per her instructions. I will include a picture for you. I also did a wide brimmed hat in purple silk with a ruffle around the edges and I sewed this myself, it was fun to do. I ordered some beautiful hat pins on etsy too and were very pleased with them. I haven't made a mat in a few months cause I wanted to sell the ones I do have on etsy right now.

We are actually having a pretty good day around here. He suddenly got back his personality and sense of humor. Figures.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Side view of teardrop hat.jpg (94.6 KB, 689 views)
File Type: jpg Purple hat.jpg (90.4 KB, 686 views)
 
Old 19th November 2011, 03:03 AM   #194
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Good work. I am familiar with the lady on etsy. The bonnets I describe are more in Civil War period and authentic for that period.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 19th November 2011 at 03:21 AM.
 
Old 19th November 2011, 05:51 PM   #195
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Yes, she has a black one on there that is the same shape as my blue one. She has step by step instructions on there which were very helpful. I kind of expected to sell a hat sooner but I guess it depends on what people are looking for at the time. I was wearing the one I sold one day and went in to the managers office here and you should have heard her! She loved it and went on and on about it.

She said she was looking for a vintage hat a week ago. I told her about my business and gave her one of my business cards and she was so excited and said this was so neat. It really pumped up my confidence and there is another black lady here who is a good friend who loves the hats also. As with any business, it probably takes some time to get going and I realize that but its nice that I have this in my life now, it makes me feel happy and I have a sense of accomplishment.

Right now I am painting christmas houses for my christimas village. Things are fine here. I'm leaving to day to spend the night with my friend and dogsit for her. Is everything okay with you?
 
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