Not even at 2 year anniversary yet!
Near 2 year anniversary and want to leave
« on: Today at 01:00:01 PM »
Hi, I'm new to this site but really need to get all these feelings out, as I can't talk to anyone IRL about it all.
My husband and I haven't even been married 2 years yet but I've known for a while, maybe even before we got married that he loved me more than I loved him.
We have quite a bit of a back story so I'll get it all out of the way now.
We met when I was 16 and he was 19, I fell completely and madly in love with him,
I think I was probably obsessed! He was a player, a good looking guy with a reputation with the girls so I guess I was flattered when he wanted to be with me. A few months in I found out I was pregnant. We didn't even discuss the options of keeping the child as we were both so young so I had an abortion. It later turned out that we both wanted to keep the baby but were too immature to talk about it I guess. Anyway, the day arrived and he didn't even come in with me, I had to sit in the waiting room on my own for what felt like ages, everyone else had someone to support them but I was alone, I've felt a lot of resentment about that for a long time-still do.
A few months afterwards he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore and moved on straight away.
I was devastated, couldn't eat or sleep and was desperate to get him back. All the while he was sending me horrible messages saying that if I hadn't killed our baby we'd still be together etc.
For years afterwards I was still attached to him and had feelings for him, I never really got over him. We met my chance about 4 years later, in which time we'd both had a child with other people. We've been together ever since that chance meeting-nearly 5 years ago.
We now have a child together, 3 between us.
I honestly think the only reason I wanted our relationship to work this time is because I never truly let him go when I was 16. The roles have definitely reversed this time. He's the one who is madly in love with me whereas I just kind of tolerate him. I wish I'd never got married and
I'm only getting more depressed as the time goes by. His daughter and ex are both big problems too,
I just wish I had the financial means to leave, I would've been gone by now if I had.
So sorry that it's so long, I just really needed to vent!