Not even at 2 year anniversary yet!

[LoubieLou]

Near 2 year anniversary and want to leave
« on: Today at 01:00:01 PM »
Hi, I'm new to this site but really need to get all these feelings out, as I can't talk to anyone IRL about it all.
My husband and I haven't even been married 2 years yet but I've known for a while, maybe even before we got married that he loved me more than I loved him.
We have quite a bit of a back story so I'll get it all out of the way now.
We met when I was 16 and he was 19, I fell completely and madly in love with him,
I think I was probably obsessed! He was a player, a good looking guy with a reputation with the girls so I guess I was flattered when he wanted to be with me. A few months in I found out I was pregnant. We didn't even discuss the options of keeping the child as we were both so young so I had an abortion. It later turned out that we both wanted to keep the baby but were too immature to talk about it I guess. Anyway, the day arrived and he didn't even come in with me, I had to sit in the waiting room on my own for what felt like ages, everyone else had someone to support them but I was alone, I've felt a lot of resentment about that for a long time-still do.
A few months afterwards he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore and moved on straight away.
I was devastated, couldn't eat or sleep and was desperate to get him back. All the while he was sending me horrible messages saying that if I hadn't killed our baby we'd still be together etc.
For years afterwards I was still attached to him and had feelings for him, I never really got over him. We met my chance about 4 years later, in which time we'd both had a child with other people. We've been together ever since that chance meeting-nearly 5 years ago.
We now have a child together, 3 between us.
I honestly think the only reason I wanted our relationship to work this time is because I never truly let him go when I was 16. The roles have definitely reversed this time. He's the one who is madly in love with me whereas I just kind of tolerate him. I wish I'd never got married and
I'm only getting more depressed as the time goes by. His daughter and ex are both big problems too,
I just wish I had the financial means to leave, I would've been gone by now if I had.
So sorry that it's so long, I just really needed to vent!

[Raymond]

Sounds a bit of a mess LL. You have a lot of history there. Your other relationships outside of marriage have complicated it more.

In a way it is wonderful that you reconciled with your husband. My feeling is to stay with him and see it through. He was your true husband from the start. You received bad advice about your initial pregnancy it seems but now he seems to have put this behind him. You have three children between you. I think it would be a great thing for you to stick together and work out all the problems you have. Two are better than one. If one falls the other will hold them up. Your children together have some semblance of a home which they will not have if you depart. Stick together and accept him and get help for your past I would say.