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Old 3rd August 2008, 03:51 AM   #1
ilakatilol
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Extreme PURE Hatred

Dunno, I am new to this forum but just needed to rant.

I hurt myself (bleeding from the glass) today trying to clean up my patio bar set that got blown over because the umbrella was left open by my DH. He is the one who always wants it open because it looks pretty even though when we hang out in the evening, the deck is in shade. I give in to him as usual.... he wants to "enjoy" the way he likes it... BUT ne is too ****ing lazy to take 3 min. to close up the umbrella... everything IS his idea! Why should the clean up not be solely his responsibility??? I might ask.

He has a new hobby now... bicycle racing.
And my hobby? To wash his sweat drenched clothes after (every other day: he has changes of his riding clothes) he spent time riding... approx: 1 & 1/2 to 3 hrs PER evening (when it is cool enough for him he says)... EVERYDAY!!! The time he spends with me? Maybe if 30mins b4 bed if I am lucky. Oh, and after his frigging ride, he gets on his blog to blog about it. In the morning, he spends at least 1/2 hr (depends on when he wakes up) to 1.5 hrs reading cycling blogs & news. Wow!

Sex life: He has more energy on the bike than he has riding me. Not that I am "not wanting" him in that department. BUT... after that 3 hr ride... I guess anyone would be too tired for sex. His neglect, not mine... you know how happy it'd make me if he were to spend that 3 hr in bed with me?

His idea again, always his idea!

Bear in mind, I made him home cook meals every evening (not TV dinners mind you; he has me even doing his diet "meals catered to his riding needs" for his meals) and I also pack his lunch *EVERYDAY*. Did the house hold chores & full time babysit his kids while he rides plus a part time job. My fingers are bleeding & opening up from doing dishes & he'd smirk & tell me he is working me to the bones... yeah he helps out ONCE in a while "begrudgingly" & made sure I knew it during my recovery period.

Yes, i do have mood swings, seems I am happier during my single days than my married days.

I am usually quiet... but then he made me repeat things till I have to *shout it out* because he couldn't hear me (bad ears he said) & then painting me to be the one as "psycho" cause I am too loud? If I could choose it, I'd be a happy mute, & no, I do not have a habit of shouting.

Yes, he is looking good "health-wise", I am "used" to the point of physical & mental exhaustion by him.... yes, I am neglecting my health at this point (no, I am not fat or anything... just tired & do not even have the energy to check out what is wrong with my body w/ the doctor... been having on & off fever that comes on every night' my hubby drives the car & you think he'd cared enough to force me by driving me to the doctor???? He knew about my physical problems too... but his tires on his bike is always more important.)

No, he does not beat on me or anything, but what I did was wrong since the start... even water, he'd ask me to "fetch" like a dog. Yes, I am very nice to him... very very... till the however many times I'd mentioned the "D", he'd would just laugh it off like I am not serious (b/c I love him enough to show in actions). No... he'd NEVER divorce me because he has it too good from me = PROOF!!!

BUT...

I am tired. Everyday I am becoming more and more tired...

Till I think maybe my *final* rest can only be found in DEATH... maybe I'd finally get to *sleep* in peace without having to HURT my vocals trying to nag him to be more *considerate* by appreciating my EFFORTS for him; so he is 3 mins more hardworking & 3 mins less LAZY???

I am drunk right now as I post this (no, I do usually keep it bottled inside)... mixing my drinks at home, drowning my sorrow.... he is at his family gathering at the moment because I worked till 2 AM this morn, woke up at 5 to make him breakfast b4 seeing him off for that 5 hr drive.

Not that I do not love him, I do or I'd be not so stupid as to invest this much time for him, in him.

He also knows, he would never divorce me... he knows I am actually too good of a woman for him (I'd have no problems finding other men should I want to *I don't*; he's turned me off married life for good... who wants to be married after a divorce??? I'd take a vacation FIRST!).

I love him... but I also really really hates him for my life right now.

KWIM?

Maybe, maybe death may be a relief for me... you know, die when I am still young & beautiful? I am 30 only afterall... before he really work me to the bones when I am too old.

-Tired-
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Old 3rd August 2008, 09:03 AM   #2
Sierra
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

Wow. I don;t know where to begin with this one.

I think the short answer is that you need a Sybian.

S
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Old 3rd August 2008, 10:47 AM   #3
Rhiannon
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Lightbulb Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

Better Tired than Desperately Sad! I'd say to sit down and talk this through with your H or get some outside help to resolve these issues. It all sounds so familiar to me, like my life with my H. Because I kind of 'allowed' it by being so nice and undemanding and not making too much fuss, he had a long affair at the start of our marriage, a couple of little ones, and now a real long one with a girl almost young enough (and finanacially demanding enough) to be his granddaughter. Don't leave things this way like I did as you may be storing up the most terrible sadness and heartbreak and damage for yourself that you can't even begin to imagine. If you love your H and you want to keep your marriage, get it back on track now.

Good luck!
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Old 3rd August 2008, 05:23 PM   #4
ilakatilol
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

He knows alright (however much he stashed into his brain is in question though; he'd remember the time of the "next" race more than he will remember my problems). Somethings just never change in a man.... and you think that man would want to *evolve* for the "better".

Many times, I have told him that all people need to do is look at his closet (which I used to organize for him but will not touch now) & look at mine... it'd tell a big huge story of a person....

How about always asking me where everything "is" even his own keys & wallet that HE used?? He lives in the same house mind you... but cannot take 3 mins to even "look"? He look alright... spend hours either on the net or TV or outdoor riding... just never mentally there for me or for any extra 3 min hardwork towards "consideration" of my labors (like dumping unclean clothes in with clean laundry that I did up for him; No.... he almost never touches laundry).

I wish, I *actually* do wish that he already have an affair...
so at least I can officially pass that workload to someone else?

I even dreamed that he would take a woman home & I can say; here do this, do this & do this... now I am off to one hell of a nice vacation that I won't be back.

How I wish that some other woman will actually *UNDERSTAND* me by looking from my point of view at him... SO it *proofs* that, my life IS miserable because of him.... that he had *changed* ME from my normal happy self.... that I am not who *HE* paint me out to be... a NAG that is just too much into little things. A *Bi-polar* that is too moody & likes to shout too much (because I have to repeat myself so many times to him *bad ear* he says...) till I hurt my own voice then have everything turned around?

I am normal you know... my family never did have mental history... but he tells me that I am mental with every outburst or blame my PMS. *I hate that*

Damn... I DO love MY peace & quiet... but I just cannot have that with him. HE brings me chaos in his "laziness".

Lately, my *wants* of being ALONE is becoming more frequent.... so that I can catch a "breather"? Get some peace & quiet & be organized with my work that I can actually *enjoy* without a big kid like him to mess up???

Lets just say my husband have turned me off MANY *husbands*. No... I am not hating all men (I have a great dad & brother who actually helps out at home; I grew up with them, I know...). If I were to divorce him... I'd probably be a very happy SINGLE, SOLO! Less work you know.... less physically, emotionally & mentally draining... less tired.

Thing is, he won't find another (he KNOWS I'll leave with that as an excuse, thats a fact).... I am everything he dreamed for a wife, hell... I even cook better than his own mom, took care of him better & in more ways as well, I bet.

I do love him, but seems the hate is stronger...

Writing this, is like "me looking down from another planet", wanting to feel some *guilt* for such strong feelings to my own husband.... searching BUT that *guilt* I cannot find.


Dunno... very very confused... but that hatred is getting stronger with every *problems* he create for me to clean up.
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Old 4th August 2008, 06:39 PM   #5
dranoel_good
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He Loves You

ahhh, listen to the love.

Last edited by dranoel_good; 4th August 2008 at 09:23 PM.
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Old 4th August 2008, 08:55 PM   #6
ilakatilol
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

^^^ I love it that you show your love this way... so love it. But why did it not touch me?? Because i hate you this much & may not come back again? If I am so unhealthy to you & your family... why the **** are you still married to me??? Why don't you just let me be solo like I want? Something wrong there??? Whats keeping you in this destructive marriage??? I am so bad... bad apples should be thrown away no??? then give me what I want!
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Old 4th August 2008, 09:21 PM   #7
ilakatilol
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

Oh... and if you are also so tired of me... we should really call it quits.

I already know you will not change... Sooo... what makes you think I will change my attitude towards you?

You know how many broken promises you have made me? Why should I still listen to your BS then?

You do not even know you choked me do you? Well... now you know. You even choked me here with your no-I-did nothing wrong attitude.

No... if you did nothing wrong... why do I feel this way??

You are going to pin that "mental" blame on me again aren't you???

So perfect YOU did everything right, caused nothing for me to "shout" about... right?
Sad... b/c even when i shouted... you'd still be in denial & never listened to me.

How many times I wanted to just spend time with you?
How many times you do not have the time... my fault again?

I am tired... so tired...

How many times (and I dare you to say that what I say is false) have you "refused" me? You know... the problems all lead back to one thing... YOUR selfishness.

Your hobby... ever think why do I have none? If I have... YOU would never have time to do things YOU want... dude! It'd be "very expensive"... or "too expensive" in your books. But your own hobby is never "too expensive" is it?? And over time does people even know how much the monthly bill to the computer cost? How much your bike & the races cost?

Did you remember the cable TV channels??? Did you think *I* watch TV even?? Remember... I do not have a hobby... so I don't watch TV either. $$$$

Can you honestly tell me YOU can just cut off the "bike", the "computer", the whole "TV" & still be happy??? No... hobbies... & you'll be happy?

You know what... that will actually make me very happy!
But you think you can do that???
Now tell me why I am not happy again?

YOU can't survive by just a YOU & ME!
YOU always needed something else.

I never did.
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Old 5th August 2008, 06:59 AM   #8
Sonhia
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

By just reading at you're post is like my own life in there and the worse thing is that you try everything to make things work and you can't because when you see the real person you married, everything that you have to do for him you hate and I know that for me the solution is the divorce, but in my case I have 2 reasons my proud and my childrens and believe it everyday I have to see my childrens to think that I am doing the right decision and not feel guilty about it, because that is another reason for me to stay, I don't want to be the guilty one in front of my childrens.
But even I have all this reasons, I still think that I have the right to be happy and who knows how much time is gonna take me to explode. And the true is that if wasn't for my childrens for sure I wouldn't be here.
So yes I understand you, and belive it you can finished hating the person you love.
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Old 5th August 2008, 08:34 AM   #9
1aokgal
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

It sounds as if somebody has TOO much time on their hands and feels sorry for themselves. Why not get a job and contribute and help to solve some problems or if time hangs heavy think about going back to school or doing positive things.

All that negativity. dislike and hatred (your word, not mine) seeps into your pores and poisons any joy you might have or new interest. If he is such a dud, why not stop being dependent and make your own way in the world. I am sure some other woman will take him.

One persons' trash is anothers' treasure. Maybe you don't know how good you have it until you lose it all? Nobody wants to be around a groveling, whining, sad sack who can't find her own things to do apart from his hobbies or his stuff. Sounds like you don't know what real problems are except the ones you build for yourself. Sorry the man has to have a dreary woman behind the door. You said you wished he had an affair?? I bet he does in time stop coming home to escape being there with you. You need help.

The guy will get tired of coming home to somebody who "hates" him. Perhaps he will tire of that and find a nice warm friendly person who cares about him. Bet you like his paychecks well enough?

Do you even like yourself? Perhaps you need to look into some help as in counseling or MEDS. There are so many who strugglle with serious illnesses and truly might have a reason to be glum and they encourage everyone around them.

Such a dose of selfishness in your postings and it does not all revolve around you. If there is a problem ..try to work it out or better yet..get out. Let the man have a chance with someone who cares about him and can be a partner. don't believe your own bombast that he"won't find someone" better than you. I bet he does pretty fast. There are a lot of women out there willing to carry their share and do it with a willing heart.

All that anger is just introjected into your own system and you become ill either mentally or physically. All that pity party you're having will age you and make you ugly. You will need giant bottles of BOTOX at 40. Lighten up, and get on the merry go round of living. It is a wonderful place to be. Yes, it takes courage to handle all the challenges. Life is not for quitters.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 6th August 2008 at 03:08 AM. Reason: error
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Old 5th August 2008, 12:54 PM   #10
val100
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

Oh my god, I hear you load and clearly.

Let me tell you honestly what you do. You love him, Right? but god do you resent him.
Right stop doing everything for him. You can and you are allowed to have a life. Why does your house have to be perfect everyday.
Cut down your work load. enjoy your kids, Go to sleep early and start enjoying life.

You see I was some bit like you, not as bad and I was tired for very different reasons but I was so so tired. It is more than a physical tiredness it is greater than that.

I messed up because of this, however now I realise, I enabled his behaviour, He learnt how to treat me and I gave him those expectations because I was the best.
You are his partner, his equal and you are the one responsible for your happiness, he isn't he is responsible only to enhance that hapiness.
So friend go out and find what makes you happy, you are allowed to be a little selfish.
Please stop digging deeper into this rut and breath in happiness that you can create for yourself.
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Old 5th August 2008, 06:19 PM   #11
Raymond
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

One sure way to keep the door closed Ilakatilol. Keep blaming the other person for everything. Nobody can make you do anything. If you did it you have to take responsibility for it. If we keep blaming the other person for our behaviour, hatred and depression we are getting nowhere and dumping our responsibility for our behaviour on the other. Okay he is not perfect but are you? If I lose my temper and shout at my wife I cannot say you made me do it. I have to take responsibility however much I was pushed. I have free will. It is true you are obviously having problems but in my experience it is never 100% the other person. What you are doing is killing the last vestiges of love because your husband is listening to all this on here.

I am almost certain that he has good points as well as you have but you are discouraging yourself by seeing everything black. I would encourage you to take some responsibility for your life and don't blame him for everything you are feeling. The glass is half full not half empty. Start from there and try and be positive. You obviously have problems but all we are seeing is a tirade.

Raymond
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Old 5th August 2008, 07:46 PM   #12
ilakatilol
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Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
It sounds as if somebody has TOO much time on their hands and feels sorry for themselves. Why not get a job and contribute and help to solve some problems or if time hangs heavy think about going back to school or doing positive things.

All that negativy. dislike and hatred (your word, not mine) seeps into your pores and poisons any joy you might have or new interest. If he is such a dud, why not stop being dependent and make your own way in the world. I am sure some other woman will take him.

One persons' trash is anothers' treasure. Maybe you don't know how good you have it until you lose it all? Nobody wants to be around a groveling, whining, sad sack who can't find her own things to do apart from his hobbies or his stuff. Sounds like you don't know what real problems are except the ones you build for yourself. Sorry the man has to have a dreary woman behind the door. You said you wished he had an affair?? I bet he does in time stop coming home to escape being there with you. You need help.

The guy will get tired of coming home to somebody who "hates" him. Perhaps he will tire of that and find a nice warm friendly person who cares about him. Bet you like his paychecks well enough?

Do you even like yourself? Perhaps you need to look into some help as in counseling or MEDS. There are so many who strugglle with serious illnesses and truly might have a reason to be glum and they encourage everyone around them.

Such a dose of selfishness in your postings and it does not all revolve around you. If there is a problem ..try to work it out or better yet..get out. Let the man have a chance with someone who cares about him and can be a partner. don't believe your own bombast that he"won't find someone" better than you. I bet he does pretty fast. There are a lot of women out there willing to carry their share and do it with a willing heart.

All that anger is just introjected into your own system and you become ill either mentally or physically. All that pity party you're having will age you and make you ugly. You will need giant bottles of BOTOX at 40. Lighten up, and get on the merry go round of living. It is a wonderful place to be. Yes, it takes courage to handle all the challenges. Life is not for quitters.
Good. You want him? He is all yours.
Look, I'll even attach his info & everything about him for you if you like. Swell?

I have a job still. I had a great job. He lost his while I was working full time & paying for health insurance & everything. Housing market crashes... my job was let go.

But you know what? Even when times are bad... I have a part time job right now. You think HE will appreciate that YOU took a part time min wage job just to help out working till 3 in the morn? Still have to cook, clean do all inside chores, outside shoppings for necessities everyday! To get what?

He comes home & blames me that I slept in from 3:30 till 10:30 (it only just happens in the last 2 weeks of so... my body just plain can't take it making him breakfast & waking every morn)... thats like 7 hrs? Which after i do full time chores till he came home for dinner, rides his bicycle for 3 hrs (everyday) i HAVE TO HEAD INTO WORK!!! And you know what he did from 8 till 2:30AM when I am gone??? NOTHING!!!!

He can come home & asked what I do all day besides sleep... what did he do all day that I am gone?

No... he did not even appreciate the fact that I am trying. While during his loss of job... he did not even try for the min-wage... he did not work period... and did not feed nor take care of the kid while locking himself in the computer room looking for his dream job (so he says). he is surfing.... always surfing & chatting w/ his buddies & who cares even if theres a woman or two in there)?

Oh... and he pride himself in "working his wife to the bone"... old polish saying. He'll expect you to do dishes even when your hands are bleeding from drying out (no dishwasher, since ours broke, he is too cheap to fix it 7 refuses to buy a new one). And when you leave dishes for him to do... he'll be more patient than you... leaving it for weeks to months till you do them (I do admit he's doing a bit more lately) meanwhile coming home & asking you what did you do all day (I hated that question day in & out... cringed at hearing it)?

Oh... plus with his job (in art & design)... you'd never expect to be a full time house wife... no way... dream on. But he expects YOU to work JUST LIKE one!

So.. you think I am lucky?
Wait till you are not getting any B'day gifts, Anniversaries, X'mas gifts, Mother's days gifts... etc. etc... not even a card or taking u out to lunch for those days... flowers see what I have posted before... 3 time only. Not to mentioned vacations to "your Mother-in-law" year after year where he will leave you with her & to take care of the children while he is out somewhere with his brothers or just in front of the TV (won't even talk to you till you stand in front of the TV).

He just called me... to say he was sorry...

I mentioned like someone else mentions (dinner & jewelry). You know what he answers me? "The jewelry he bought me (3 only from him, bracelet, necklace & my engagement ring) before marriage... I do not appreciate (yeah right.. I love jewelry u kidding me?)... so no point buying something redundant as jewelry "BIG waste of money" like he always says... besides NO MONEY!". You know how much he spent on a "rich men's sport?" his bike??? With all the tire replacements, races, gas to races, tubes, his helmet (gosh he lost one & just got a new one), his seat, his pedels (even comes presented like a jewelry).... etc. etc.... BUT OF COURSE he won't have enough for my bday gift or any jewelry of any kind.

Sure... he loves you... but always with words.

You know... just this vacation that he barely took off for me... I was waiting on him hands & foot in my house because he sprained his neck (riding too much). What a vacation... & we were supposed to go some where? He slept most of that vacation.

I love doing things free of charge like fishing & crabbing in the bay... that weekend we were supposed to go? We went to his bike race instead (last minute one).

Paycheck? Advancement? Did I hear right? Now you are talking about a guy who works when he has to, will not give up his hobby to pursue a freelance project that will help "finance" his hobby because it eats into his bike routine (3hrs a day.. plus 1 hr to blog about it). While the peanuts $$ that I am making goes to maintain his hobby when we needs it for gas & food??? His priorities is ALWAYS messed up... YOU like that?

Don't worry, within 6 months I will be advanced to what I should be making as a manager in my industry. They have already promised me that position, I do have a degree... just learning the ropes from bottom up.... you think I really need him?

Ask him, he'll tell you.

He needs me. Never the other way around. i need him for sex!

like I said... you want him?
You'd better be

#1) visually pleasing (he would never tolerate anyone fat... if he calls me "fat" from neglecting my self due to lack of time & a car & babysitting... & I am by no mans "fat".. (wear size 6)), but still never perfect in his eyes. He is always in better shape than you... major competition you know *he is always comparing*.

#2) can work alot (means both work outside & inside the house) ... part time, full time but still needs to maintain a very nice looking house.

#3) be willing to get very little in actions back "gifts", "vacations", "spending money" "car (he sees only the necessity in having only one car "his"... we are selling mine since only his is insured & I walk to work)", "time" ***

#4) he'd be moving in with you... not the other way around.

#5) share the paycheck... everything (nothing ever witheld back, just the way it is with me).

#6) sex is whenever he wants it... he'll see fit to refuse you BUT you could NEVER refuse him.... even if you are not in the mood. See.. I am never not in the mood... so he expects that from you! Cold fish need not apply... you have to be able to orgasm with proof you did but still put up with the frustrations when HE is NOT in the mood. All ONE WAY!

#7) he is bad with money, yet expects YOU to be good with it. Yeah.. means grocery = you spending money...not him. He will spend his money on lunches, eating out, drinks, his hobbies, gas for him for whatever. If you spend $100 for the family.... means he gets to do the same for HIM.

#8) He drives the car... yet you have to ask him for the keys if you need to do food shopping.... etc. Since he has the car... you go where he goes.

#9) Get use to him making you go places even if you don't really want to... he'll "nag" you till you give in anyways.

#10) No sleeping in... he hates it when YOU sleep in BUT he gets to. Means he'll make you get up, makes the bed... expecting you not to get back in again. I have to fight that one... he still does that to me even if i work till 3 in the morn.

#11) Clean, clean & clean....
get used to his messiness & laziness (he can be messy, but YOU cannot be). Gets forever to have him do things the "should' but don't want to. Especially after he sits in front of the computer.

#12) Be used to having his back turned on you. Why? He is not comfortable looking in the eye while talking to people... like to give you his back. Err... will never really be there for you... I was stuck on a hill once out of gas (he won't pick up his phone), another colleague came & helped me. Stuck babysitting while he do fun stuff. Stuck cleaning up his beer bottles / water bottles he drink.

#13) expect to serve him hands & feet (serve him food while he waits, when the plate is set in front of him is when he'll eats, gets him his water, fetch his beer.. basically full restaurant service)... his mom does that for him u see... so did I. You do not want him lamenting to try & get me back do you? Nor have you compared to his mom.

#14) Oh.. you'll have to be the plumber & home service person. *I* unclogged the toilets in the house (know how to use the snake)... he'll just pee on it. I believe that he can leave the seat up because its fair if he has to life it up after my use. I work to clear all drains, I am the one to screw in light bulbs (you can ask him how many light bulbs he changed... I am sure its within 3 of his fingers), change all replacements in the bath (soap, papers, shampoos), around the house & stuff.

#15) be a free maid & free sitter... that is a given... *MUST*, he never paid me for it, I'm sure he won't for you... its expected.

#16) Must be physically strong & healthy...
Must not like doctors too much... he does not believes in them, nor do I really. The only time we see doctors is when our head comes off the shoulders. He does not believes in sick leaves and has never dealth with someone who is always complaining that he/she is sick (physically).
See I have worked through all my chores with bleeding hands, fevers & bad knees... so shall the next woman.

#17) Must be able to lift 40lbs & above.... expect to move ALOT!!! Due to his job (changes)... we have moved every other year! Expect to carry your share when moving the furnitures... I did! 50/50.
He does not believe in his woman standing on the side "looking" & not helping.
If he carrys the cherry cabinet on one side... YOU are on the other end of it! His mom does just that... i did too... however many moves we have been through!

#18) Move alot!! He changes jobs quite a bit. So don't expect any roots!!! And you have to have a job that can move with his!! His "Job" will always be more important than yours... get used to it.

#19) get used to him not calling you when he promised, with tons of say "I'll do it" yet to become BS & ignoring you when you press the issues. You like broken promises? He'll be the one for you!

#20) Priorities... will always be HIM, never YOU. Get used to that.
He dictates if he wants to make more $$$ for the family. He dictates what he wants to eat, when he wants to sleep (computer u know... he'll call you up when he is ready not the other way around... always 5 mins/10 mins that turned into an hr or more...), what he does (can't tell him no... he'll do it anyways, won't respect your opinions), where he goes, if he needs gas more or wants his race more etc....

Oh... plus he gets very very prissy when he misses his ride for a day!

He'll also put you on a diet just because he thinks he needs one.... he eats what he wants for the "prime performance" he can get out of his physical needs. actually his whole family are all diet freaks!!!

So much for you ever enjoying a meal without feeling guilty of eating too much (and my culture loves food... mind you). He WILL make you feel guilty with the "Fat" word flying everywhere.... (OMG, ate too much, feeling too fat now... needs to burn more on the bike later/tomorrow... meanwhile knowing you will be left AT HOME, babysitting & feeling guilty you can't go to the gym... either that or haul the kid & let her sit out there by herself while you are on the aerobic maschines... nice huh!).

#21) I almost forgot... YOU have to put out... put out & put out!!! Means sex... he expects BJs (I give good ones.. :P) at least during your MS periods.... he loves that. So if you like giving BJs & also swallow... you will be a good fit for him.

theres probably a bunch I can think of... just not now. I'll add if you need me to.

If you are that interested, he's all yours... might take a while for him to forget me though (but if you are not better at "the list" than I, he'll have a very hard time forgetting me you know... he DOES loves to COMPARE alot!).

Me? Will finally have a great breather... no need of meds.
See... My family is clean of mental issues! And this is a very sound mind writing... (hmmm I can even kinda give a list! Wow!).
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Old 5th August 2008, 08:57 PM   #13
ilakatilol
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Posts: 38
Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
One sure way to keep the door closed Ilakatilol. Keep blaming the other person for everything. Nobody can make you do anything. (So... you think he'd be happy me quiting on him... then I'll not be doing **** for him from now... great... just what I want! Quit!)
If you did it you have to take responsibility for it (I agree! So dear hubby... you hear that? I QUIT!). If we keep blaming the other person for our behaviour, hatred and depression we are getting nowhere and dumping our responsibility for our behaviour on the other. Okay he is not perfect but are you? If I lose my temper and shout at my wife I cannot say you made me do it. I have to take responsibility however much I was pushed. I have free will.

OK... but my case is during a normal level talk... he can't hear too good in one ear... so he ignores me, then I get louder the second time, still back turned, silence... I have to repeat *LOUDER* no? So what happens is that *louder* now becomes "ohh, hurt his ears?". Now the responsibilities I can also say if he had acknowledged me in the FIRST time would not have resulted in me having to *repeat* so many times till its at the elevated "level".

Wow... thats still my fault for being ignored by him totally? Isn't that kind of view screwed up? Why?

Is it better that when things are bad, I keep my mouth shut after the first try & let it stew & build instead of really letting him know then?


It is true you are obviously having problems but in my experience it is never 100% the other person. What you are doing is killing the last vestiges of love because your husband is listening to all this on here.

Of course its never 100% others... did I say that? Its a build up of so many neglects & his laziness.... because he always *ignore* and even *made fun of* my opinions (disregarded, disrespected)... did you read "self destructive wife"?

If I have killed the last vestige of his love... let me know. I'll be there, ready to sign! Killing is good... I'll be at rest! Dead to him... don't bother me no more!

I am almost certain that he has good points as well as you have (Yeah he loves me... and you wondered why still?) but you are discouraging yourself by seeing everything black (but he never encouraged all my work was good). I would encourage you to take some responsibility for your life and don't blame him for everything you are feeling (how can i not when he is a LOG? Back to the log theory, if he is really a log, unfeeling... great. No more love, great reason to go!). The glass is half full not half empty. Start from there and try and be positive (Do you know how often this issue has come up? The problem is no matter how positive and in self-denial that positive is... it comes back!!! Can't deny a bad situation & make it like it did not happened into the "good" of it! IF it is a bad situation... IT is ONLY right to CORRECT it, not "cover it up".) . You obviously have problems but all we are seeing is a tirade (I did warn ye its a RANT).

Raymond
My POV... sure glass is half empty or full depending on the view.
I am the one hurt, not him... physically & mentally USED (abused but not beaten up or anything) with physical evidence to show!

Him...? Living his life like a well taken cared of LADY (go to work, come home do his health thingy, house maid *ME* takes care of his clothes, socks etc... eat a restaurant like meal *me* "full serviced cook, waiter, server, cleaner, dishwasher"... all he needs to do is just *show up*!

What is missing is the manicures (yes... he gets the bath, massages more than I do... ratio *me* 1:50 *him* times)!

I do this yes.... stupid me (100% responsibility *ME*) b/c its my way of showing that I love him & appreciated him... does he ever has actions to show he is not taking me for granted??? No!

From "His lack of understanding that I needed the sleep b/c I worked till 3 AM, to his bike keeping him fit while I had to be home & watch the kids 3hrs besides the normal sittings to... "you are getting unhealthy.... "Fat" (at size 6) b/c I do not keep up HIS level of fitness (he could bike professionally if he wants "when younger", his brother almost qualified for the Olympics... beyond normal person's time in health).

Just his lack of understanding, then refusal to actually *HEAR* me out, till *blaming* me back for why he did the above (criticize me)... oh and then not even doing his basic husbandly duty (sex... thats a good mental drug to pacify me) because he is too tired from a 3 hr ride... WHERE IS *MY* "positive" ENCOURAGEMENT from him?

None!

Mental & physical relieve from his love??? Might just be more worth it than his way of showing love (all talk without eye contact, back turned than in actions).

Great!

Ya!
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Old 5th August 2008, 10:18 PM   #14
Raymond
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Posts: 6,409
Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

Are you listening to this Dranoel? Do you not think your wife needs a bit of love and appreciation for what she does? Have you read the book the Five Languages of love? You might love her but maybe she needs to feel it?

Which one do you think is her love language?

Words of Affirmation?

Touch? (hugs etc) Not talking about sex just now.

Quality Time?

Gifts? (Not necessarily big things but the thought behind it)

Acts of Service? (Doing practical things for her)

Theres a girl here that needs to be in your life before it's too late. What are your priorities? Sports are good but any thing taken too far is error and unbalanced.

Raymond
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Old 6th August 2008, 03:28 AM   #15
1aokgal
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Extreme PURE Hatred

Raymond...

Forget this woman. She is so busy tooting her horn and in martyrdom she does not get it. If one wants respect you have to get off the DUTY and tell the man what you expect. Her servitude? I think she enjoys the whole thing.

Ilakalilol....

You will do much better, lady poster, although I doubt the "lady" part..... to give the guy a break and sport for the lawyer. You have no working knowlege of what a marriage is all about. One does not genuflect to the partner. One says this is what I expect. If you reward him with home cooked meals and sex services for bad behavior....then you deserve more of what you got there.

Again, I assure you somebody will take your darling and whip that one right into shape. He is likely trainable. Since you see yourself as a tough lady who has a commanding way...why not have a showdown on some issues? I think you enjoy wailing to the troops here. No, dear, that marriage will be history soon because I don't think he NEEDS you and will suffer through once he is without you. Such a narcissitic thought pattern again says it seems to be all about you. You enjoy laying down ad and say "kick me again"...look how you suffer. You tell me you have education, don't you see that as weird? to

Who wants to be around a self pitying wailing wall? No wonder he has places to go and people to see. Try amending your prickly self and work on the issues. In my opinion you are way past point where any constructive work will salvage that marriage there. So ...If you are so long suffering...why are you still there? Get MEDS or try booze because all that wailing won't solve a wit except to have your BP really high. He will be the one who leaves, not you. Try not to do the man away since you hate him so much. Geeze..what venom. Like a snake that needs a machete to cut off the head. I promise you lonely day and nights as he will get out of there pretty fast. All the sex services in the world dosen't buy time with someone who has only hate and dislike and self pity. Lord, I bet he stays out late!

Thanks for the offer, dear, I have the same husband for the last 28 years. I change chanels here as you don't want advise or help. You are beyond that and need some PSych services. This much self pity is stomach churning.

Did you do one positive thing for your self today in your sad life? Do get some counselling. You need it so badly. Go take a good cry..as we here are not ..then re-examine and if it is so rotten..do him a favor and leave.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 6th August 2008 at 06:48 AM. Reason: spelling
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