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Originally Posted by Raymond
Your situation is rather complicated which no pat answers will fix. She is obviously carrying wounds from her childhood regarding the sexual abuse which is a massive problem just on it's own. Having the one night stand could have something to do with that possibly.
The consistent advice is marriage counselling which I agree with if she was willing. I am wondering whether one of the problems is not having time to yourselves. Living together and working together can sometimes produce it's own problems in some.
She has got it into her head that it is over with no apparent third person on the horizon. I am wondering if she just needs a change of scenery. A different job, outside interests perhaps? It could be she is doing the social media and picking up wrong advice which goes against the stability of marriage. Who knows?
You are right not to crawl but I do think you are entitled to have the answer to the big question of why? Perhaps you will be able to find out this and maybe do something about it? I don't think this will mix with crawling and begging though. She won't tell you if she thinks you cannot take it, but I think you need to know the truth.
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Thanks Raymond. I agree with everything you say. I am sure that the sexual abuse has had a big effect on her, naturally, and it is a subject that I have never felt comfortable bringing up with her in any detail. I am sure that scars of an experience like that must be very difficult for her to deal with and will bring problems into her every day life. I am definately going to look into counselling, for me at the very least as I believe she will not take part as she gives the impression that we are 100% over and would not entertain any chance of reconciliation.
She has her own outside interests which I think made her fell like the gap between us is bigger, but I was happy for her to find something she was passionate about even if it wasn't my passion. I am still not convince that there isnt a third person involved, but this may be my reaction to her past infidelity. She is very protective of her phone and does not leave it un-attended. She has always been very active on social media and is an admin on an ex Jehovah's witness site which she says is why she is regularly on it even though I have told her it makes me uncomfortable.