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Old 24th June 2013, 03:13 AM   #15
sillybil
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 13
Re: child produced from affair with married man

Tks all for your reply. I really value them. This is the reason why I am not able to move forward due to his reaction. I realise he is not a good man, he has no good value in him let alone any intergrity. He told me that he doesnt want to be ashamed and actually excited that he is going to be a dad. Something that he always wanted. Thus he wants to makes sure everything is ok and safe with the baby. Since that woman carrying the child, he needs to do what he needs to do to make sure all ok and he has the right of the child here in the country. She was threatening him saying if she is not moving in with him then she will go back to her country. He got scared thinking that he will never see the child again thus made her stay. Now he help her find a house but I dont know where, a secret to me but his friends know this as he was helping him moving stuff to that woman house. I feel like calling her and confront her but then I know if I do that, she will tell him then he will get angry with me and I will never hear from him every again. But I want that woman to know where she stands. He wont tell her, maybe because he is afraid that she will threaten him not to let him see the child or something, I dont know. BUt it is killing me just the thought of him going to doctors with her, buying baby stuff with her, he wants to be at the birth as he wants to experience it. He is very selfish all he thinks about himself. I really wish that I dont love him at all so I can walk out easily. I also know that if I walk out I will be very unhappy but I am not completely happy with the situation now either. To top it up, his family doesnt talk to me, there were so many problems with them, with his criminal brother, his aggresive sister and bad influence of his mom. I used to be closed to all of them but slowly as we fight, they were ganging up to go against me. Long story anyway, it's been few years now. I am an adult, I just let it go if I want to make this marriage work but without his full commitment to me, this current arrangement is not working for me. I cried everyday, I stared at blanked, I dont put music on anymore as it makes me sad, I got very insecure when I see other pregnant woman and especially with the same nationality I know that other woman is. I feel sick in my stomach and I just feel that the only thing for me to end this feeling is to end my life. I dont really want to do that as I have an 18 years old child from my prev marriage. I feel even worse as I cannot have a child with him but he did it with a random who has no moral. How and when am I going to feel ok again... it is like I have to be in the best behavious with no complaint or being sad while he can do whatever he wants but not putting up with my emotional rollercoaster and expect me just to deal with it. He said he is with me almost everynight but it is the way it is now. Sure enough there is something in his mind what he needs to be doing but I dont know that. He took me to find a car with extra seats for the baby he said. My heart sank and I feel sick, then he refer time to time if we go away. I really dont know how it will work or what is in his mind but he refused to discuss it with me. He said he will tell me what he thinks I need to know that's all. And if I cant deal with it, I can go, he will understand. I jsut want to know if he is really committed to me but at this moment, we live separately and I feel that he wants to keep it this way, so he can do whatever he wants and he doesnt have to answer to me and he can run away anytime he wants. Why does he get away with doing this thing? why do I suffer? what have I done to deserve this? I just want to be happy with my husband. I feel that I am being punished but he is the one who did all this horrible things.
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