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Old 19th May 2011, 04:10 AM   #1
broken
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 8
my feelings and thougths are all over the place and I need a place to let it out

I meant my husband in 1979, we started living together. We married in 1989. No kids. I am a career woman, and have always made good/enough money, he has never had a steady income, but I love him and this never really bothered me/us, as far as the man takes care of the women scenario goes. So I have always “taken care” of him. I don't know why I put that in there, guess it bothers me. You see at our age I love him and he needs the benefits etc. that I provide. After all we have together I would not leave him in such dire straits. That said, I have just found out that he has an online love. She lives far, actually only a state away and they have never really been together physically. At first I was very upset, I mean ready to have a nervous breakdown, which was last week. When this all first happened he asked me if I wanted a divorce. I told him no way. I can forgive him. He is 56 and I am 55, I do not want to be a divorcee at my age. We still get along. I truly believe he is going through a midlife crisis, whatever. But I can forgive him and go on from here. The reason my screen name is “Broken” is because when I found this site last weekend, well I was very hear broken.

I guess I’m just extremely annoyed with him now. I find it rather comical actually, but still sometimes sad. The feeling go up and down to be honest, but not as bad as last week. I asked him a few times, “If he was trying to get on the Jerry Springer Show”? Something even funny is the phone he uses to talk to her on is in my name and I can look on-line and see every time they communicate and for how long. Christ, they aren’t even aware.

I did some shopping therapy tonight and bought some sexy clothes and so far I’ve lost 10 pounds, down to 128 lbs. So I do not want another man I just want what’s mine back, but I guess we can’t own people and I don’t want to come off sounding that way. I really don’t. I just love him and want to love him through thick or thin.

I cook his food, take care of him, wash clothes, all those things that are a big part of my life and of which I do enjoy but this on-line crap is making me crazy. I wish she was like a paid site sex slut but, she’s a regular person age 53 (I guess). I actually called her last week and talked about 4 minutes and I told her not to call him, but she still is, so slut inside I guess. The scoop on her is she’s collecting SSI, on Prozac, has panic attacked, things of this nature. I believe she is telling him anything he wants to hear, whatever, this is what he told me about her. Yes he told everything to me.

So what’s anyone thoughts? I know you can say I’m a fool. But 32 years together is a long time together, and I have seen him and I go through lots of changes and things.

Well this is my mood and thoughts on the subject tonight. Tomorrow I may be crying …who knows…but I certainly feel better expounding about this on here. Thanks!

Love to hear back from you folks.

Last edited by broken; 19th May 2011 at 04:34 AM.
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