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Old 4th March 2013, 04:58 PM   #64
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Can't get over my affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsc View Post
Thanks Chosen. Some valid points I think. My marriage is ok - better than most couples I know. We have spent hours and hours at Relate, and communicate well. We have a busy household with four children aged between 2 and 19 and we manage that as a team. He is a stellar individual and the singularly most amazing man I have met. He is not faultless of course, and during the two months I was seeing E in 2009 it transpired he had been talking to women over the internet in cybersex chat rooms for up to 15 years. So we both had stuff to work on, and we did. he spent a year in therapy which was very painful for him, and he was brave to go through it. I am not passionate about my husband, I have never really found him very physically attractive, but that has improved hugely over the last five years or so.

Contrary to what seems to be thought here, I don't want to be with, or even see, the other fella. I have made no move to contact him, I keep no keepsakes (his photo pops up on Facebook every now and again through his wife). He would make an utterly dreadful husband (as he clearly does although his wife doesn't know the half of it) and I would never consider him a suitable match for anyone, and certainly not me.

I just miss him.

No I would never tell his wife about his affairs. I concur that he SHOULD, but of course he won't. I would not want to be responsible for putting his two children in the fall out from that, and she does not deserve any kind of pain. They have been married for 19 years, and although I know she is unhappy (she constantly says so) it is for him to be brave enough to face his demons (no chance).

I have always been interested in the character of Orsino from Twelfth Night, who is drawn and motivated by the wanting, rather than the object of his affections, which shifts very easily. I think I can relate to that very well, although it has never happened before.
Has he had more than one affair? If I were her, I would definately want to know that I had been lied to, cheated on and decieved. His children too will be suffering through having a father with no moral values or integrity, and its likely that they wll carry on in his footsteps. Even if neither she nor they know, it will still affect them, as these things do.
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