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Old 22nd August 2009, 08:06 PM   #1
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I've lost my soul mate

What can i do? My wife told me on Monday that she no longer wanted to be with me. Without boring people with details a couple of years ago i found a text message on her phone which was from an ex which was quite initmate. She assured me that there was nothing going on. This is before we were married.
I went with my heart rather than my head as i loved her dearly and up until then we were soul mates. However i felt the one person who would never hurt me had and i had lost trust in her. For a while i felt every time she went out i gave her a hard time because of this but after a while i was dealing with it. However what i was doing was push the fear down inside me which made me unaffectionate and my sex drive reduced. Over a period of 2 years we had arguements about my lack of affection things would get better then worse again. I just lost all emotion but knew deep down i still loved her. I lost my job of 15 years earlier this year and started have panic attacks so my doctor put me on anti depressents which i came off after a short period of time.
Since i have come off them i have started feeling emotion again and affectionate towards her although i started getting short tempered and snappy.
My wife left her job so we could pursue a career together and we were undergoing intensive training away from her kids which was very hard for her and stressful for both of us. As my feelings came back i also had thoughts of trying for a kid again (my wife had 2 miscarriages before) We travelled back on Monday having an arguement, and she said she had enough.
I told her i felt differently now and felt affection for her but she said ive heard it all before (understandably) since she has been like a different person saying she wants me out asap and is very angry and we haven't really spoken since.
I am devastated as i have always loved her she says she still loves me but wasn't in love with me. We connected from day 1 and we were soul mates and i believe that feeling never goes away its just deep down and you have to rediscover it. I can't start to think how upset she was and hurt that i wasn't affectionate and i am so sorry but fear of being hurt myself got in the way. Now i feel differently it looks too late.
I love her so much......ive written her a letter as i'm not good at getting my feelings across verbally.....not asking for one more chance but just explaining how i feel and i am away tomorrow so i will leave it for her to read. I feel shes not prepared to speak to me anyway and it will make things worse. I have spoken to friends, family and my doctor who all say it all seems so irrational as we are great together. Most people where we have been working together say we work well together and we will be brilliant at what we do.
What do i do?
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