lita

Hi Raymond, i just want to say thank you that you will pray for me.
My husband doesnt believe in Jesus, he believe in God ( I do not know which one ?) He doesnt mine pray now and then, read the bible story to the kids, go to church occasionaly ( easter or christmas ). He doesnt want to, but he knows it meant a lot to me. He never ask me to forgive or forget because he knows he doesnt deserve it. What he did was so terrible and he understand that. He tried so hard to do everything better now but i cant see the good out of it. My sister said that if i do split up with him, i will commit adultery my self ( just like him ) if i m going to have relationship with another man in the future. So basicly I can divorce him and stay alone until I die!
The though of him out there free to go out and have fun while i am at home looking after 3 small children with no money ( im only a house wife ) makes me think what kind of life out there for me ? I know you probably gonna say God is good, he will help me, and I do want to believe that.
But at the end of the day, God is not there to help me looking after 3 children when i feel so down and cant go on with my life. Maybe I sound a bit selfish because i know the kids are totaly my responsibility but right now phisicly and mentaly i am damage. Sometimes I shouted at the kids for small thing that they done wrong. Seems like everything going wrong in my life.
Yes I am bitter and I always ask God to take the bitterness out of me but until now still feel the same. You said I have the right to end the marriage, how could I ? I though till death do us part explain everything. What about the children. What about their relationship with their father ?
I dont know how long my marriage will last. I wish I can be more sensitive to see what God wants me to do. Strange really that you are the first person to say that I have the right to end it while everybody else said : " OK he made a mistake BUT you still have to stay ,think about the kids, and bla bla bla !!" I feel like I have no choice or maybe i am just to scared to make that choice.

God bless you