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Old 17th July 2013, 01:41 AM   #5
1aokgal
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Re: Marriage of obligation vs my happiness?

Dear David..

I do not cast a stone, but speak truth that you have the ability to give great happiness to the woman you chose to marry. A man of substance leaves footprints in time that he is righteous and he amplifies his God with actions that speak of love and caring for a woman and children.
Time passes and a man is known for his actions to protect his family and to teach his son how to live.

It is cowardly and wrong to skulk around outside this lawful marriage to gratify pretty base desires. That leaves a wife to face doubts and fears that she has done something very wrong that a man could so reject her as he goes to another woman. If your time on Earth was done today, what would people say about you? Would they say you took the easy way in life that brought you pleasure while you hurt many others? Would they say you were a great friend and a good example of how to live rightly? Would they say of David that he was one who opened a window on a happy marriage for others to see? I had a brother who died early and all these things were said of him that he was the best husband and father. They reported that he was a friend to everyone he knew. He was a Godly man who treated everyone cordially and gave of himself to help others. He left a great space in my heart, where he stood very tall, and showed everyone how a good man should live.

They said to meet my brother was to leave an indelible memory of a Godly man. He lived more in 50 years, than most in long lifetimes, as he left a memory of a man who amplified his God by his example and his life of service to others. His children succeed today in life because of his footsteps and guidance while he was there with them. Today they have memories of his good personal example and the guidance and help of the many friends who knew their father. That is the kind of man who lives a life of moral decency, kindness and love for others.

I painted a portrait of my brother some years before his death and shipped it to him. It was a good likeness painted in oils from a photo taken on his wedding day. His family said he always loved that painting as looked handsome and happy. For some unknown reason, I was moved to paint him and labored over it about a month until it was right. The portrait was so fine to capture his likeness, his widow had it displayed in the funeral home when over a thousand friends came to pay their respect. It was a shock for me to see it there! His widow said he loved it so, as the portrait captured his happy personality. I always felt God painted it through my hand, to pay homage to a good man loved by many! He was the kind of man one might emulate to live a life of worth and substance. It is not about what material things one can accomplish, but the memories of the good about such a person.

I can tell you no marriage is perfect. No couple ever reach perfect settlements on discussions between them, but one can keep close to another and have ultimate peace and happiness within the soul. I would never want to be anywhere except close to my love.

Do you truly know the heart of the woman, who is a good woman, who shares your life? Do you know the choices she might make of favorite things and moments? Is she a stranger to you, rather than the dearest one, because her thinking is ever sweet and caring, but you never care to find out more about her? If you seek her out, who shares your life, you might find a great treasure. She might be what the Bible would say is a virtuous woman, and the finest gem a man could find. I bet she longs for you to give her the slightest indication you care about her. Your wife must feel great sadness that she has done nothing wrong, yet you care little for her. A woman who saved herself for marriage finds that what she offered you, her innocence, has meant nothing. She was a goal you possessed, and then treated as worth nothing. Her life must be one of sadness and deep scathing pain of the soul.

Reach out and smile at her and make memories together. Learn to know who she is. You may find all your dreams are right there. She also has given you a child you love. The child needs a father who protects and loves his family. I believe that you were brought into conversion, so you can be a man of substance and worth. You have a good mind, but it seems you have not given much thought to the rightness of where you should be in your life plan. Change course now, before another day passes, and leaves you in mortal sin. Turn inward and think about the man you want to be, who walks a path that is good and enviable for the rightness. If you don't alter path, one day you might look back and see the devastation you have caused to others in how you live your life. That would not be a proud moment.

It is not too late to make better life decisions. Don't live life as a duty..for this woman, who is your wife. That is an insult to her, who shares your life. See your wife in love and sharing. Learn to know her and treasure her thoughts and feelings. It will be the best thing you ever do in life. I may not say this to you the best way possible on this forum, but love is not hard to do. You give yourself over and make that partner the most important one. You give it all that you can be. You find how to make another happy. You will never regret that. I don't know how else to say it but you have made terrible mistakes and yes, you will pa for those choices. I hope you can still salvage your marriage and the trust she has in you and the respect she holds for you. Some here might feel you should confess all, but I personally feel you should repent and confess to God. I think it best not to relieve your burden of bad conscience, by inflicting it all on another. That is an issue between you, your confessor and your God. Likely, I am wrong about that, but I would not want to know all the gritty truth of an infidelity.

God bless you, David, I hope you find the right path.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 17th July 2013 at 04:28 PM.
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