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Old 23rd October 2009, 10:25 PM   #75
Ageing Grace
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 738
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Bless you, Amber, you won't get told off

Somebody like Raymond can give you better guidance on god & divorce. Meanwhile, I feel that prayer/meditation does help us to find our true path. So do writing down our thoughts & feelings and getting other points of view - which is where these forums come in handy!

Possibly you won't be able to seriously consider leaving until you have tried everything. Without knowing your husband, I haven't a clue whether he's likely to respond to steady assertiveness on your part. When a person has got used to bolstering their own ego by trampling on someone else's, a total change of attitude by the underdog can really throw a spanner in the works. It might help to clarify your own thoughts, too - it's hard to make decisions when you've lost faith in your ability to do anything right

Dealing with a bully spouse is different from dealing with a workplace bully. The aim is to genuinely improve the relationship, rather than win a power game. Therefore I tend to recommend a 'calm, charm and detachment' offensive An advantage of this is that you can amuse yourself (and your friends) greatly while doing it ... everything's better if you can get a chuckle out of it!

For most bullies, it's just not as much fun when you don't get a reaction. If your husband is likely to escalate his attacks to violence, then non-reaction would be a poor choice. Nonetheless, you do need to regain a foothold in your marriage so as to help your self respect.

Is writing here doing anything to help you get a clearer view of your dilemma?

Remember to take very good care of your self! I still keep self-affirming flash cards in my handbag, and I'm not ashamed of it

AG xx
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