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1st February 2003, 10:08 PM

Don and I have been married a little over a year. I have had 5 surgeries since we got married. I told him of my health problems when we met. He has been un empathetic about my surgeries. His communications skills are very poor. He is 46 I am 50 and we both have been married before ( he 3 times , me 2 times )
We have been in counseling with a Pastor and his wife from our church, this helps. We both see a therpist and on ocassion Don comes with me to see mine. My therpist feels Don is very immmature and has many problems. :-(
If I were not a christian ( Don is also) I would have given up on this marriage months ago. But I know Satan goes about robbing , killing and destroying and I know he does not want this marriage to succeed. Which makes me fight all that harder.
Don is verbally abusive, although he does not see it as that. I have cried till I can't cry anymore, ( I am on antidepressents) He works for the railroad and has a cushy job where he gets paid whether he works or not and only gets called to work about 1 time a week , this puts us together all the time. This has not helped. He does not understand that when he is mean and nasty it drives me away. He is a very needy person. Even when he is on the road with his job he wants me to hang on the cell phone for unlimited amounts of time. He claims when there is nothing to talk about that me wanting to hang up means I don't want to talk to him. I just can't see walking around with the cell phone glued in my ear for hours on end. Don had been an addict some years back ( alcohol and drugs) but my therapist told me he is still displaying addictive behaviors even though he is not using. She suggested I go to AL ANON to help me with my feelings and be able to better cope with Don's behavior. I guess I just need some feedback from those who understand what I am going through. I have pplaced Don in God's hands and told Him " he is your problem, please fix him." I know I am far from perfect but I have been through years of theraphy to get through a tough life and I do recoginize all the problems I am facing. Talking to Don is almost impossible his anger flares too quick. I was married for 20 yrs till he left me for another woman because of my health problems. So I learned a lot about working through problems through those years. Even though I have had 5 surgeries in the past year( 1 back surgery, surgery on discs in my neck, a serious foot surgery, knee surgery and a breast reduction to help with my back and neck problems ) and have had long recovery periods of course Don is very upset that I haven't been much up to lovemaking. Of course perhaps if he romanced me and hadn't forgotten my birthday again this year that would help my feeling loving. I had breast reduction surgery 3 weeks ago and Don goes around complaing that he gets no sex. ( my therapist and I feel Don had sexual addiction problems during all his adult life ( Don just told me about this about 4 months ago) Nothing has been normal or easy since we got married. I am not a hard woman to love or live with. HOnest. I was in love with someone before I met Don. He treated me like a queen and I had no trouble treating him like a KING. We broke up because he had some personal issues that had nothing to do with me.
Don thinks I am just plain frigid and selfish and think of no one but myself. I do love him I Know he has great potential with God at his side. I am starting to think he may be bi polar ( I am going to talk to his dr Monday about this ) This would explain so much about Don.
How do I get him to get a clue about how to treat a woman and how to love a me? Everytime I start to feel loving and think just maybe it will end up in lovemaking , Don opens his mouth and says something so hurtful it drives me away. I have had many abandoment issues in my life so it doesn't help when he threatens to leave the marriage once a week!!! Why do I want to get close to somenone that threatens to leave me all the time??
Can you suggest a good site that will help Don get a clue about marriage and how to make a woman feel loved? I am desperate. We have had great things prophesied over us about A ministery God has for us as a couple but if the marraige ends this will never come to pass. I don't want to miss out on what God has for us
Don didn't do anything for my 50th B'day last Jan and he didn't do anything for me this JAn for my B'day!!!! He claimed " I didn't know where we were with money .) Although in the week preceeding my B'day he spent almost $200 on himself. {SIGH}
I am so terribly frustrated. Well I am done rambling. Hopefully there are folks out there can help suggest sites or ideas that will help us.
God Bless all of you!!!!!
Thanks in advance!!!

1st February 2003, 10:08 PM	#1
Joyce50 Guest Posts: n/a	Marriage problems Don and I have been married a little over a year. I have had 5 surgeries since we got married. I told him of my health problems when we met. He has been un empathetic about my surgeries. His communications skills are very poor. He is 46 I am 50 and we both have been married before ( he 3 times , me 2 times ) We have been in counseling with a Pastor and his wife from our church, this helps. We both see a therpist and on ocassion Don comes with me to see mine. My therpist feels Don is very immmature and has many problems. :-( If I were not a christian ( Don is also) I would have given up on this marriage months ago. But I know Satan goes about robbing , killing and destroying and I know he does not want this marriage to succeed. Which makes me fight all that harder. Don is verbally abusive, although he does not see it as that. I have cried till I can't cry anymore, ( I am on antidepressents) He works for the railroad and has a cushy job where he gets paid whether he works or not and only gets called to work about 1 time a week , this puts us together all the time. This has not helped. He does not understand that when he is mean and nasty it drives me away. He is a very needy person. Even when he is on the road with his job he wants me to hang on the cell phone for unlimited amounts of time. He claims when there is nothing to talk about that me wanting to hang up means I don't want to talk to him. I just can't see walking around with the cell phone glued in my ear for hours on end. Don had been an addict some years back ( alcohol and drugs) but my therapist told me he is still displaying addictive behaviors even though he is not using. She suggested I go to AL ANON to help me with my feelings and be able to better cope with Don's behavior. I guess I just need some feedback from those who understand what I am going through. I have pplaced Don in God's hands and told Him " he is your problem, please fix him." I know I am far from perfect but I have been through years of theraphy to get through a tough life and I do recoginize all the problems I am facing. Talking to Don is almost impossible his anger flares too quick. I was married for 20 yrs till he left me for another woman because of my health problems. So I learned a lot about working through problems through those years. Even though I have had 5 surgeries in the past year( 1 back surgery, surgery on discs in my neck, a serious foot surgery, knee surgery and a breast reduction to help with my back and neck problems ) and have had long recovery periods of course Don is very upset that I haven't been much up to lovemaking. Of course perhaps if he romanced me and hadn't forgotten my birthday again this year that would help my feeling loving. I had breast reduction surgery 3 weeks ago and Don goes around complaing that he gets no sex. ( my therapist and I feel Don had sexual addiction problems during all his adult life ( Don just told me about this about 4 months ago) Nothing has been normal or easy since we got married. I am not a hard woman to love or live with. HOnest. I was in love with someone before I met Don. He treated me like a queen and I had no trouble treating him like a KING. We broke up because he had some personal issues that had nothing to do with me. Don thinks I am just plain frigid and selfish and think of no one but myself. I do love him I Know he has great potential with God at his side. I am starting to think he may be bi polar ( I am going to talk to his dr Monday about this ) This would explain so much about Don. How do I get him to get a clue about how to treat a woman and how to love a me? Everytime I start to feel loving and think just maybe it will end up in lovemaking , Don opens his mouth and says something so hurtful it drives me away. I have had many abandoment issues in my life so it doesn't help when he threatens to leave the marriage once a week!!! Why do I want to get close to somenone that threatens to leave me all the time?? Can you suggest a good site that will help Don get a clue about marriage and how to make a woman feel loved? I am desperate. We have had great things prophesied over us about A ministery God has for us as a couple but if the marraige ends this will never come to pass. I don't want to miss out on what God has for us Don didn't do anything for my 50th B'day last Jan and he didn't do anything for me this JAn for my B'day!!!! He claimed " I didn't know where we were with money .) Although in the week preceeding my B'day he spent almost $200 on himself. {SIGH} I am so terribly frustrated. Well I am done rambling. Hopefully there are folks out there can help suggest sites or ideas that will help us. God Bless all of you!!!!! Thanks in advance!!!