mmh

Thanks, AG, for the encouragement. I know that my husband is not into porn or secretly masturbating. I also don't believe he's having an affair. As I stated before, I DO believe that it stems from past unhealthy relationships and being with dominant woman. I don't want to be a dominant woman or the "head of the household". I've always wanted my husband to be the one who makes the final decision, and me to nurture and take care of him. He's happy with me making ALL the decisions, taking care of the finances, etc. I HATE doing this because it causes alot of stress. He lived alone for 4 years between marriages, and was extremely independent. As soon as we married, he became passive, so I had to step up to the plate.

Now, for the sex situation. He has never been affectionate- except at the beginning of our relationship. I fell in love with him before he began to withdraw. Like most women, I thought once we married, I could change him. However, as I stated before, it's like we now have to deal with this issue since the focus isn't on anything else (i.e. his ex-wife, the children). I don't like the feeling of rejection from the other relationship and am tired of constantly thinking about him. I want to put those thoughts on my husband, but I'm finding that hard to do. I know that the other relationship was supposed to just be about sex. However, he provided me with the emotional and physical things that I've been missing. We both began to develop feelings for each other, and to protect himself, he broke things off. So, I'm not only dealing with the issues at home, but also a "break-up" that has caused me pain.

Other men flirt with me at work, and I flirt back. I enjoy feeling that men still find me attractive, since my husband doesn't make me feel that way. There are times when I wish I was single, so I could get my needs met without betraying my husband. On the other hand, I like the companionship and knowing that there's someone here for me.

I'm so confused and am miserable about this situation. Depression is an issue for me, but lately, it's gotten worse. I cry for no reason and hardly ever laugh anymore. I've thought about just going away somewhere to gain perspective on everything. But, I have no money and don't want to return to my parents' home. Last night, I ordered several books recommended on this site. I'm hoping my husband will participate and be willing to do what the books say to "rekindle" our relationship.

I've talked to several friends about this situation, but they don't know what I'm feelings. I hate that any of us have to go through this. But, having the support of someone going through the same thing does provide some comfort. I will definitely keep up the these posts and am thankful for any/all advice.

Thanks!