justme

I got to thinking about what yall have typed and what I have ... Anyway i wote it slowed down 15 years ago well after thinking back further it was actually 21 years ago it began slowing down , after the birth of our daughter and around 15 years ago that it just began to stop all together with the exception of a once a month or every other month maybe 3 min quickie then even that stopped ...
I once read that a marriage without intimacy was not a marriage ..well if that is true and I dont know that it is I went like 8 years without intimacy in our marriage before I ever had the last affair ........
And Helen you questioned if he is mean to me , ignores me , shouts or abuses me and as a matter of fact he dose put me down all the time even in front of other folks , he says I am stupid and I dont know anything about nothing whenever I have a opinion of my own ......But to say he yells at me or abuses me would be a no , he dose not ever yell or abuse me in any way... But he dose demean me and disrespect me regularly ...And the odd thing is I never even noticed it till our daughter grew up and said how embarrassed she was when her dad had said something to me at the dental office she works at in front of her and the others there that was flat out rude and insinuating my stupidity , and again in our garage in front of her boyfriend and her and our son and daughter n law when he flat out said I was stupid for a political opinion Of my own ...
And Helen I never looked at my last affair as a "thrill" like a trip to the amusement park or something I considered it making love with and sharing with someone that actually wanted to spend time with me ........But you are correct in the fact i am taking a risk with my marriage and my family by having a affair , perhaps i should reconsider my actions and live my life in celibacy ..
You know Id give up anything to have a relationship that was loving and secure feeling with my husband even if there was no physical side to it if it could just be loving ....I tried for many years before I ever had a affair for just a loving relationship needless to say it never happened ... I prayed and I went to counseling , I even talked to my Paster at church (That was embarrassing ) but nothing helped ...
Anyway this is my last post since I can clearly see this is no help either ..
But thank you for your opinions they made me think more now and even cry more .