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Old 30th December 2006, 10:57 AM   #10
Helen
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Re: Living In A Sexless Marriage

Wait for him to do what? What is he expecting you to wait for? And for how long? You have been waiting for three months and I think you have been very patient, especially since your husband seems content to leave you uncertain and dangling - and completely without affection. You are not being selfish - not at all. The fact of the matter is, despite your husband's protestations about the inaccuracy of the assessment that you are little more than an incubator with a ring, this is the reality of the situation you are in.

My personal view is sex, while nice, is not the be all and end all in a relationship unless this is all a relationship is based on. I truly believe that we can all live without sex so long as we are getting affection/intimacy in other forms in our life. Witness couples who continue to live together happily in the face of sexual disfunction/genital surgery/some other tragedy that brings an end to their sex life. But what your husband is condemning you to is a life with no sex and no affection/intimacy of any sort. That's not fair and you telling him this isn't fair does not make you selfish or a bad person.

I agree, he has got a rough deal, what with the diabetes, ED and associated side-effects with medication he has tried. But this man knew all this when he married you and despite this, he made a promise to you before you married him. He was open about the lack of sex and you accepted that. But you always said you needed affection/intimacy and he agreed that this could be a way forward for both of you. Now that you are married, he seems to have conveniently forgotten about his promises. Just make it clear that you haven't and a marriage without affection or intimacy of any sort is not going to work for you.

I know you love this man but sometimes love isn't enough. I learned this the hard way. Marriages endure due to mutual respect. Good communications. Showing affection to your mate. Building a foundation of trust. A marriage cannot hope to flourish if one partner is doing their utmost and the other is showing no sign that they care. I don't know how old you are but I really urge you to think long and hard about your future. You are feeling the way you are for a reason. Ignore your feelings at your peril.

Take care,


Helen
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