Helen

I think you have answered your own question. Despite knowing there are problems in your relationship (and unless he is completely dim, he HAS to know there are problems) your husband is talking to you about starting a family. I don't mean to wound but I wonder if he married you because he wants kids. He shows you no affection and now wants a child. What's that about?

I would be completely frank with him about your misgivings around doing this. Okay, a child might take your mind off the fact that you have no sex life and no affection from your husband. Most of us love our children unconditionally and completely and are consumed with them for the first few months/years after birth; but our relationship with our children is not the same as the relationship we share with the man in our life. If you have no real relationship with your husband in the long term, there will almost certainly be problems that will be bad enough to end your marriage. The difference between it ending now and potentially ending in future is you have have kids involved in the equation.

You have to determine whether you can continue in this relationship indefinitely; certainly until your youngest child (if you have kids) reaches adulthood. This is what you are looking at here. Bearing in mind the fact that you have only been married since October and you are already feeling this way, believe me - the prognosis is not promising. You need to talk this over with a counsellor, who may be able to suggest a different way of raising your feelings and concerns with your husband.

I wish you the best of luck with this


Helen