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Old 13th May 2009, 03:29 AM   #5
RayCub
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Re: I am left devastated because he has left

Oh, Crush... I can honestly say I know EXACTLY how you're feeling, and I hate that you 're hurting the way you are. I'll offer some advice, but only use what you want or none at all.

Believe it or not, it will feel better soon. Not good, not fine, not even okay, but better than you feel right this very moment.

All I could tell myself to do to get through was to breathe. I literally had to remind myself to do that - breathe through the pain, the loss, the denial, the anguish, the tears, the anger, the confusion, the disbelief...just breathe through it all. And one day, and you won't even notice this, one day it'll be easier to breathe. You won't have to remind yourself to pull air into your lungs and then slowly release it again; you'll just do it.

And then one day after that, and I promise you this too, you'll smile. And it will feel foreign to you. And it won't last long, but you'll have done it. And you'll do it again and again until you remember exactly how good it feels to do it. And one of those smiles, at some point, will reach your eyes. And that wil be a miraculous day!

People will offer all kinds of advice. Take the good; leave the bad behind. Eat, talk, cry, walk, sleep, write and breathe. Don't forget to breathe..........

You'll also feel the need to be strong for your kids. People will tell you to be strong, and you'll literally want to hit the next person who says it to you. So, be strong, but ONLY when you can, and when you can't be strong, ask for help. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help. Take as much or as little as you need.

FEEL everything. Don't deny your feelings or try to run from them or suppress them. They have to come out at some point; better sooner than later, so you can start to heal. So feel it all; curl up in the fetal position and cry; sit in your vehicle and scream to the top of your lungs; collapse on the tub floor during the shower; sit and stare at nothing. Do it all, when you can.

Be yourself. (This is the one piece of advice I'm not very good at taking myself) Don't tell people what they want to hear. Don't be one person to your friends, one to your family, one to your coworkers and one to your kids. If you do this, you'll look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you. Just be you; be the wonderful woman you are and KNOW - I mean REALLY know - without a doubt - that THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!

You've just suffered a crippling blow to your heart, head and self-esteem. You need to adjust to the fact that the life you knew is gone, and now you have to get used to a "new normal". And you will. You won't believe me now, but you'll start rebuilding your life baby-step by baby-step, until you are living your life, not just existing, but actually LIVING it again.

But in the meantime, just breathe...........
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