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Old 3rd August 2008, 05:51 PM   #40
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 38
Re: I don't love my wife and never have...

Originally Posted by robin View Post
Just a note to say I am still reading comments with interest on both threads. I have been taking anti-depressants for 3 weeks and have stopped crying all the time. I am content in that my youngest child is still in a 2 parent family unit and that my husband still has what he wants eg me, but how long I can live "in limbo" ie no desire for intimacy of any sort, I don't yet know. But I am not making any changes in my life at present that would affect other people. I am very fortunate in that I have exceptionally supportive friends and colleagues who are helping me by letting me talk things through. I am not sure how long my husband will want us to continue in this way.
I just saw this thread... & have questions of my own (my post).

Its not that I have never loved my husband... BUT I am emotionally confused to where I stand when it comes to love now... if I should keep on staying?

Why I quoted Robin's thread is because I still enjoy intimacy from my husband...
I see it as an *expected payment* from him for making me miserable all the time & I enjoy sex a lot. Except he has even been too tired & lazy to put out lately.

I hate him for how miserable he makes me... even to the point of if he were to have an affair, I'd be so lucky to be *let go* of the misery he caused me.... or even if I were to take another man, I'd be probably *out of revenge* (not even an emotional confirmation that I am still wanted by another man / nor emotional dependency & what not; just *hatred*) for what he makes me feel; and I probably won't even feel *guilt* which I am trying to (feel) even as I type this (I am not seeking an affair mind you to get married again whatsoever... I probably would be happier SOLO... just at an emotional *zero* state where I cannot "feel" for others; too "pooped out" by my own hubby).

I also do understand that the stronger the love, the stronger the hate as well...

What I want to feel is that guilt for hating him like that, but I cannot find it. I know that I am probably at a self destructive stage right now, I love him... but DO I love him or just plain HATE him??? (this is what I feel as I type... exactly how I feel...).

Should i even stay?
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