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Old 2nd June 2009, 06:38 PM   #15
Brotan
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Re: Sexless Marriage falling to pieces.....

There are a few things about sex that have not been referred to in the original discussion - women in their thirties are meant to be at their sexual prime (guys reach sexual prime earlier) so depending on her age she should be enjoying it.

You mentioned health issues - occassionally women get cystitis when they have sex fairly regularly, but this is easily sorted out in general - you could try buying your wife lots of cranberry juice when you have had sex and there are other ways to sort this out too (just look up ideas on the internet if it becomes a problem) The other issue could also be how she gave birth - after an episiotomy it can be painful to have sex and certain positions are more painful than others (and this can occur for years after the birth, not just at the beginning) After birth women may also feel less attractive to their partner and some sensitivity needs to be given to this so that she does feel loved.

In general sex for a woman should come after the man has shown he is affectionate to her - some women do feel that a man is just being affectinate to get sex and this may turn them off - you can't be affectionate one day and ask for sex that day and then no affection for a week until you want sex again - you need to determine what types of affection your wife wants too - a phone call while you are at work? flowers? a hug during the day? a note saying I love you? a sweet left hidden in the house? There are loads of ways of making your wife feel more loved before sex - sex seems to make men feel loved while women often (not always though) need to feel loved before having sex.

And finally if your wife says maybe tomorrow, ask her for a time, plan carefully - get the candles out make sure she knows you want it... and try to help get the baby to bed, help with the babies bath, maybe cook supper.... it is exhausting to raise a one year old and your one year old is not your only child - your wife must be tired - it probably is a genuine excuse, however somehow you need to get it through to her (probably only by having sex) that she will probably sleep better and be less tired after good sex. The majority of women who have one year olds and talk about sex say that they do not really think they want it, but after they have sex they think: gee we should do that more often.

You could try getting into marriage counselling if she will agree - sex is an issue brought up in marriage counselling and when dealt with properly it may just save your marriage and create a wonderful sex life (it did for me and my husband)
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