Thread: Broke boyfriend
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Old 19th April 2015, 12:37 AM   #51
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Red face Re: Broke boyfriend

Dear Lindentree..

It seems you had little warning that marriage was in trouble and no feel of his "pulse" on it. That must have been like a bolt of lightning! I can imagine you were rocked. Looking back now at how you might have handled that moment differently, is wasted effort. I hope out of the years you had together you came away with some survival skills intact. You need to find your confidence again and put it behind. Too bad there was no honesty, so you know the issues. It will be hard for you to trust yourself.

Love happens after divorce. One day it will for you too. Love happens when you would rather not. We can be wounded, but that is not all bad. There are men who want to do things for you and protect. My husband was a "fixer." He would not like me to say this, but I was a mess. I was defensive, and not doing a great job in the survival dept. despite my valiant efforts. I was a bit prickly to be around, as I was still angry at wasted years. He tells me he found that attractive, my walls. That makes him not too bright! He was used to women who wanted to catch him. I wanted to get rid of him, as I lacked trust.

God will, what he will. I married him in 25 days. So he is my darling guy and we "jell" in this life together. He knows I hate his job, but I'm proud of his attitude about it. He hasn't a stingy bone in his body and does everything to make life better for me and mine. I buy his clothes and lay them out. I cut his hair for years (better than the barber) he says. He has a barber now, so I paint. He cooks gourmet meals, breakfasts on weekends as crepes w/strawberries. He is my "rah-rah" team on my new paintings. That means he wants to free up my time so I can paint without interruption. I let him tell me the same few fairy tales in bed (in German, so my German stays fresh.) We like each other.

We also say what we think, and share our feelings. Here is what we don't do. We don't criticize, nag, swear/use profanity, argue or speak with a strident tone in a discussion. We are capable to apologize and can laugh out of most things. Neither of us are moody people. We are conservative and alcohol doesn't figure in the marriage. He likes a beer on occasion. I don't care for alcohol. He had a great family, I did not.

We had serious issues; unemployment, financial stress, serious illness, and made do with less years ago. We compromise when needed. We learn from our mistakes. I left a bad marriage and never looked back. I wanted no contact, except through my attorney. No anger, no emotion on that. That made it easier for us as a couple, no issues.

Thanks, Lindentree, for the compliment. As a couple, we have multiple differences, but we did well! We were raised with different social customs, country, language, age difference and social history. We do like the same foods, music, politics, and each other! I have posted here because there are people I help and people who help me.
Bless you and hope you have a happy day. You give sound advice and sound like a fine young woman and you will be alright.

It is Saturday here. I plan to watch the TV production of "Outlander," written by Diana Gabaldon, which is a time travel romance of early Scotland. I hear that UK ladies love this series of books. It is a fascinating, romantic and a sexy love story. I'm loving this one! I must be an escapist? I'd be on a plane tomorrow for Scotland with this story as incentive.

I hope I am not insensitive to talk about my good life. I was right where you are now. I tried to survive a job I felt was beyond my ability. I earned barely enough for gas, food, a car payment, and rent but wondered if I could keep the job. Life seemed over and I sure wasn't optimistic I could love or be loved again.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 19th April 2015 at 05:56 PM.
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