[jools]

I really feel for you as I read this. Everything that Chosen has said makes perfect sense, regarding the lack of repentance and the inability to explain why it happened. Just one other thing that crossed my mind as I read this; put simply, "some things, once broken, can never be repaired". I know that's how I felt. What you had, you will never get back - but that's what you want. To move forward with him would be to accept a new state of being - maybe one that you don't want. It's like a no-win situation. The only win would be for it to never have happened - unless, like Chosen said, you are one of those people who can move past it. Tricky!
Jools XX