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Old 28th March 2010, 07:58 PM   #1
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Another loveless pair :-)

Male 46 UK - Wow, i am a touch gob-smacked to find all you guys in the same situation as me in these forums.
I will save you the long version for now - been in a long term sexless and loveless marriage for years - by loveless i mean in a romantic way but i do care for her as a friend and would never wish her any harm. The initial problems in our relationship go back years and as a result the marriage has never been nurtured and has been left to go stale. Many will probably think me cruel and heartless but after the wedding my SO put on masses of weight (about 80lbs) and this was the cause of the original issues for me, ok i admit it i was not attracted to her in the same way - well i can only be honest and say that is serious weight gain. My efforts to help her loose the weight have never succeeded and with no real interest in my looks due to the situation i also piled on weight too over time. For years there has been no love, passion or sex. The problems were left by both of us and pushed to one side without being discussed and i guess that has now made any reconciliation even harder. We have one daughter (21) who we both adore. I broached the subject about 4 years ago and we had a serious heart to heart and the outcome was we still felt we could salvage the marriage and help our love life repair. We both started diets, exercise programs and changed our lifestyle and eating habits. I would like to say it helped but i was the only one who kept up the regime and now i am at my ideal weight, fit, healthy and full of confidence. I should also add that for a long long time i am getting female attention and that is really nice but also very tempting - i hope you can empathise. Unfortunately my SO has put in very little effort and has not changed. The outcome of all this is that i feel cheated, maybe i am seeing this too selfishly but i hoped that by ensuring i kept to the keep fit program she would feel encouraged to keep it going too.

Ok - present day : after years of hoping and staying to keep up appearances there are no changes to the relationship and we have a silver wedding looming in 12 months. This is the worst part for me as i hate living a lie to joe public and i cannot face a big silver wedding party.

Thanks for listening Steve
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