[Jazz204]

I have read all the threads and thought about it. Rather than counselling, I recommend a psychiatrist. Seriously, they are worth far more than a counsellor in a case such as this. What I hear is not anything that requires blame, or is anything to do with marriage problems as such. Rather, here is a woman who loves her husband and family and who requires a time of going back over some things from her childhood. Thats where all this starts from and is deeply connected to her parents. You will go round and round, akin to trying to get a jelly back into a mould, if you come from a marriage guidance stance.
In the meantime, as one person advised, choose your words carefully, dont be reactive to anything she says, she can only respond negatively if you give her something to react against, smile a lot, love her openly, dont allow this to blemish the next generation (your young children) and get professionally trained personnel with experience. One or two consults with a trained psychologist and she will marvel at how easy it is, how quickly one can feel better, how wonderful the trained person is, and then she will start to grow and change and accept and love again.
There is nobody in their right mind who would think that your wife should have rushed off to help her drunk friend go to visit the son. Of course it was not the right thing to do. You know what is right and wrong in your heart and so does she. You both sound like wonderful, loving people to me, and it comes through strongly how much you love each other. Dont even think of moving out again, never mention it, never respond if she mentions it. You are there, that is where you are staying and you shall both get through this. Head up, both of you. Make the changes, it will be worth it.