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Old 29th October 2009, 06:56 PM   #10
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: What is the right thing to do for my wife right now?

Confused this is so confusing (excuse the pun). There is obviously more going on than first was apparent.

I hadn't picked up that the lady had a son. Is this a threat? I think you have to keep your eye on that and maybe confront him if it gets a bit iffy.

We know your wife is in mourning which seems to be affecting her and the way she is behaving but there is past history as well. Is this about your controlling? No it doesn't take two to control only one. The other one will only feel controlled. The fact that you have now seen this will make a difference but the wounds are still there and need to be healed.

I never thought you should have moved out in the first place. I don't think you should be so apologetic, living in the basement and what not. You can be considerate in other ways. That is your home as well. What if this other chap came around? You don't want to give signals that your marriage is over.

It is good that she is getting counseling. Hopefully she will work through the present issues. The changes you have made will take time to work through and won't really be believed until they have stood the test of time.

All you can do is keep loving her and just being there for her, but keep your eyes on this other fellow because of her present vulnerability.

Raymond
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