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Old 13th February 2012, 12:25 PM   #22
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: brink of seperation

We had that sort of problem mainly at the beginning Jan. My wife would sometimes slam the door and walk around the block. I couldn't work it out as I always thought I was a pretty decent kind of chap. Whilst I would go straight to sleep afterwards she would lie awake at night about it. One night she kneeled by my head and said I am not sleeping so you are not sleeping. Pretty frustrating when I felt my conscience was clear.

A lot of the answer was adjusting to each other and the way each other thought. I thought I had a lot of self control but I ended up shouting at her which she really hated. I think the answers came in moments of revelation about oneself and one's behaviour. A lot a sacred cows (belief systems) had to be slaughtered.

A lot of her anger was because she loved me and had a lot to lose if things didn't work out. She needed close intimacy and lots of hugs etc as I discovered later. Touch has turned out to be her main love language. If I didn't do it it affected her. It is now a natural part of our marriage.

I realise now that I hadn't learned to love properly because of my background and grew up with an independence which didn't really let anyone into the most vulnerable places.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote