[jan2012]

hi thanks for your words of widsom. getting out together is a good idea..we do try to and wil try to do new things to break up routines etc...he doesn't have much time but we should learn to be efficient with the time he does have. i do find it hard to forgive and move on every time we argue, and this is something we are discussing in counselling. .. he counsellor says he must respect the fact i need a bit more time to deal with things, cry and move on, but he will not respect this because he can get up straight away forgive forget and get on with his day. it takes me awhile to process and release my emotions before i can do the same. he does not give me that time, winds me up more while i am still upset, and i end up even more upset and not wanting to do anything.
this is a hard pattern to break. it happened today...we had a silly argument, he kept going on and on and on, i was crying, he blamed me as i wasn't coping, accused me of being too emotional, not being able to get over things, said my behaviour wasn't normal etc etc. all this got me into a worse state - where i was anxious, crying and trying to get away from him going on in my ear. yet he blamed me for this behaviour when i just kept saying would u just leave it stop talking give me my space. now i am just so drained, upset, tired, been made to feel like my behaviour is way abnormal and there is something wrong with me, don't want to do anyting today as i have no energy (i also have health problems that limit my energy levels, and am caring for a new born so up at night etc) now i will get the blame for ruining the day.
to be honest i just don't have much energy left for our relationship. i do want to make it work, but i have to be able to care for my child, i have to be able to function. this is affecting my functioning. i don't know what to do. am we/i ever going to get through this.