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Old 16th September 2012, 07:55 PM   #10
Forever
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: My wife is leaving me. Please, please help.

Let's just say that she was/is extremely unhappy and unfulfilled and wanted much more out of the marriage...which rubs against the grain of what you had to offer. This affair represents that she has checked out and she wanted you to know it. However, because she now has the "job of her dreams" and has "tasted" freedom and sees other possibilities out there...well, she is not likely going to do a quick turn around just to save something that she no longer is interested in.

I agree with you that she should not be required to quit that job...this idea should be something which she is convicted to do from her own heart as her offering to repair the marriage. She will need that job for her own future should she continue to want out of the marriage. There may come a time if SHE wants to repair her end of it, that she will realise that it is necessary to quit that place...she will likely fall back into his clutches otherwise, or someone else's...but this is something that she should be doing on her own...I would be hard pressed to continue on in a marriage without that happening first and foremost.

You cannot live your marriage knowing he and she are still in intimate proximity to each other. It will cause absolute havoc in your lives...and your willingness to forgive her this now, will soon turn sour as she continues to be near him. You will not know when she is telling the truth or lying. This, you may find out the hard way.

This exact same thing happened to one of my sons. His ex refused to quit the place she worked at (where the man she was having an affair was)...end results...divorce, because the trust continued to be broken...my son found himself stalking and checking on her constantly while trying to raise two young children, work full time and care for their home. The excitement of the forbidden had proven to be too much for either of them to handle...she called him an old "fuddy duddy" because he was too exhausted from work to party nightly...and she was too lazy to care properly for the home, which fell onto him also. He took her out anywhere she wanted to go on weekends...but she was still not satisfied. They are the same age, but were raised with different values.

Of course you are grasping at straws...who wouldn't??? It is totally understandable, but you should leave desperation as something internal or she will think you to be a weak manipulating sop. It will make no difference to her what you say or do because at this point, she is not interested...might as well keep your human dignity intact while you wait to see if the other shoe drops.
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