Re: brink of seperation
We had that sort of problem mainly at the beginning Jan. My wife would sometimes slam the door and walk around the block. I couldn't work it out as I always thought I was a pretty decent kind of chap. Whilst I would go straight to sleep afterwards she would lie awake at night about it. One night she kneeled by my head and said I am not sleeping so you are not sleeping. Pretty frustrating when I felt my conscience was clear.
A lot of the answer was adjusting to each other and the way each other thought. I thought I had a lot of self control but I ended up shouting at her which she really hated. I think the answers came in moments of revelation about oneself and one's behaviour. A lot a sacred cows (belief systems) had to be slaughtered.
A lot of her anger was because she loved me and had a lot to lose if things didn't work out. She needed close intimacy and lots of hugs etc as I discovered later. Touch has turned out to be her main love language. If I didn't do it it affected her. It is now a natural part of our marriage.
I realise now that I hadn't learned to love properly because of my background and grew up with an independence which didn't really let anyone into the most vulnerable places.
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