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Old 17th August 2010, 04:36 AM   #3
disoriented
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Re: Love without physical attraction?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
disoriented
It sounds to me as if porn is the issue here. If he is masturbating 2 or 3 times a week to porn then he wont want to have sex.
He needs to stop it now. If he is addicted, that may be easier said than done. Men say that it has nothing to do with how attractive their wives are or whether their wives are willing or not, it is something they get into and its hard to stop.

I think you need to get REALLY serious and tell him that unless he stops the porn completely you will seperate. Then he will have to choose you or the porn. I dont think that many men will stop until they risk loosing everything.If this happened in my marriage that is what I would do (along with lots of praying).

There are blockers that can be put on the computer to stop porn being accessed, or you can check his user history, to see what he has been looking at.Porn is incredibly damaging both to the user and to the spouse. It can and does destroy marriages. I am so sorry for what is happening and it is common for women in your position to feel bad about themselves, but really, the porblems isnt with you, it is with him. He is being unfaithful to you with all these other women, even if it isnt actually physical.
Could you have more counselling and get tough over this? You may have to get tough as many men wont give it up until they actually HAVE to.

Thank you so much for your comment. Although I already did exactly as you suggested months ago, I am so relieved to hear someone doesn't think I'm a complete hard-ass for it. The way you put it, as cheating with these other women, is exactly how I saw it and I must thank you a million times for saying so because it's really made me feel validated on my decision. Once he saw that it was really upsetting me he went cold turkey and hasn't looked at a scrap of it in months. I had the blockers in place for a while but then I got him a new PC and I didn't bother putting them up since I trust him. He is nothing if not trustworthy, I absolutely know that he hasn't looked at it if he says he hasn't, that's just his awesome honest nature and I feel like I would be betraying him to bother checking the history or not believing his word which has always come through. Promise it's not just me being naive, he's such a good guy in ways that really matter and that's why it's killing me that he falls so short in dealing with these issues that DO crop up.

One thing he said though was that he actually felt like sleeping with me more when he was looking at porn since it stimulated his imagination in general. I can kind of understand that as I used to like adult fiction, but it still doesn't affect my strong belief that it's not really healthy in a serious relationship especially when your sex life is failing miserably. As for stimulating his imagination myself, god knows I've tried everything I could think of. Even pleaded with him to tell me what would turn him on, and he either had no response or he would suggest something like just approaching him in my underwear or something, but when I tried it he was as usual busy or uninterested which absolutely killed me after making myself vulnerable and being rejected yet again.

So confused and feel like I'm putting in 110% effort and he is putting in 0%. He's such a child and really doesn't want to think about anything that will make him feel inadequate or bad about himself, just wants me to do what I need to live with it which is so disgustingly selfish in my opinion. Really hating him right now :|
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