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Old 11th November 2014, 07:19 PM   #4
StarryD
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Re: Husband wants space but we never spend time together

He sounds very much like my first husband, when he wasn't at work he would sit infront of various different game consoles from the time he was home until the early hours day after day after day. I wanted to raise a family, which I had to do around him because the kids were inconvenient to him, which to be honest didn't bother me too much as we were never 'in love' or passionate from the start. In the end it was like two separate lives were existing between the same walls, me taking care of the kids and working and cooking and doing all the normal daily things and him alone infront of the computer. I didn't care so long as he wasn't upsetting me or the kids. But the point is, I was never passionate enough about the marriage to try my hardest to change it, which is just as bad. I stayed in a familiar comfortable home environment simply because we had young children and it was their normal daily life. Regardless of which it ended in divorce.
I only experienced genuine true passion and happiness when I met my current husband, and despite some pretty serious issues we have he always tries his hardest to make me happy and to spend his time with me and vice versa. To have a successful marriage both parties have to be willing and determined, and if it's only been 5 and a half months that's not a good sign. A couple should be eachothers priority 100% of the time, friends are secondary. Some men are incredibly immature and treat women like throw away playthings that are always there at their disposal, because some women accept that as their place and allow it. The fact it's only a few months into the marriage can be looked at two ways: either as a bad sign of things to come IF you accept it and go along with the situation, OR as a good thing that has come about early on enough for it to be changed and worked on. But that can only happen through communication. You must sit down with him and talk to him, tell him you are unhappy with the situation and how he behaves and that it needs to change. Having a social life and personal time within a marriage is fine and acceptable but not when it's overshadowing the most important aspects of your relationship and destroying intimacy. Try compromise, tell him you're happy for him to go out certain nights with his friends and arrange which night would be best for BOTH of you, if he's willing to put in time and effort on you the rest of the time, same with the video games, arrange certain time frames during certain days or evenings when he can have his computer time and you can partake in a hobby of your own whether it be reading or watching a movie or whatever you choose.. Again only if he agrees to spend the rest of the time working on his marriage and making his wife happy.
If he loves you he will agree and try his hardest to work on the things that need working on and recognize his selfishness. If he doesn't agree.. Then that should pretty much answer itself.
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