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Old 2nd November 2009, 02:42 AM   #10
A123
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1
Re: Pray for wisdom please

Some things that may help in the communication with someone on the Autism spectrum- you may have heard all of this, but if someone reads the thread and learns one thing than my post was worth it!

Be very clear and use as little emotion as possible. It is very hard for people with ASD to process or even perceive non verbal cues expecially facial expressions... and tone is hard for them too... so what happens when we get excited, upset, or just plain riled up??? We tend to engage in those things that the ASD person cant understand... and we can overstimulate them-more on that next

Overstimulation is a BIG problem in the ASD population. sometimes it can be other people, colors, temperature, noise, light, or anything else for that individual... think of what overstimulation does for a young baby... it effectively makes them shut down because they just cant process anymore. Know your partners trigger... he may be able to help you identify these and when you need to talk about something or enjoy an experience... you can take steps to cut back on these factors.

A few people mentioned writing to a spouse/child with aspergers. this is due to the communication being more concrete. You still may have to make sure that your writing is done in a clear, consice manner that tells exactly what you are meaning and exactly what you want from the ASD person.

The job situation in this case was made a TON more understandable when I found that the H has aspergers... He probably equated his important role as taking care of the child... and so when he was offered the job, it wasn't even a question... CONCRETE thinkers... not really good at seeing outside the box (at least not the non ASD box!)

Brotan do you notice that when you yell that your husband does any "stimming behaviors"? that may give you a clue that he is unable to process the information and this may help you curb your need to blow up... look for any repetitive motions... I am sure you are familiar with this, but for someone else reading this, you may see a bouncing, rocking, leg twitching, finger flicking, pencil flicking, lip licking, eye rolling, pinching...
--- you may be able to take this into account and help your husband get the sensorimotor stimulation that he needs and then be able to talk with him better. I worked with many ASD children and teens and have done a lot of research on the subject. Many times just to get them to work in school we had to take care of those needs first. Some children had a sensory bag that they carried with them.. it included for some, a weighted vest (strong, deep hugs work too - I used to have to wrap a kid that I worked with up in a big blanket when he melted down... he needed the TIGHT swaddling just to come down from a blow up), other items included stress balls, putty, items that lit up and or blinked, one child likes fragrances and so had some esential oil vials to smell and that helped.

Remember that an ASD person is not intentionally doing this and needs to understand the societal norm. This can come about by talking with others about what is expected. another really useful trick is what are called social stories. these are used to prepare a person for an event that they may not react the best to. in these stories (think role playing verses novel) the person gets to read or hear how they should act in certain instances. Brotan if your husband had his job before his long break for a long time and never had to do this before he may just need to be primed to have the "correct" answer for his employers.

I also dealt with the issue of transitions with all children that I worked with but in particular with the ASD population... You need to make sure that a person with ASD is prepared to shift gears before they are required to change from one activity to another but also from one mind set to another. if not, youll just wind up with a big messy broken up transmission! I like funny metaphors sorry but this can be done similarly to a child... you can have frank conversations like ok hunny I know that you have been caring for our child for a long time now, but soon you will be going back to work outside of the home... or I want to let you know that in 20 minutes I would like to speak to you regarding... fill in the blank and remind again at 10 and 5 minutes so the person is not asked to shift before they are ready... think of asking your kid to leave the playground... do you just say hey lets go now... or do you say ok hunny you have 10 more minutes and the countdown begins... we do this because little kids don't handle transitions well and the current activity may be just as engaging for the ASD mind as the playground for a little one.

It has been a while since I have worked with the ASD population so I am likely forgetting many things. however if anyone has any questions they can feel free to contact me and I will do my best to provide information from my experience, education, and research. I also may be able to provide resource information for people if I am not able to give all that is desired...

Hope this helps some...Amber
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