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Old 10th April 2009, 09:48 AM   #4
Dave
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Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 1,576
Re: Being 'kind' to the adultery partner?

Given this particular forum is the one about Christian Marriage, I guess my first question would be "What would Jesus do?"

Next ask yourself what the purpose of your communication is? Any communication based in love should be aiming to build up and restore relationship. Do you really want a relationship with this woman? I recognise that in one sense you have one whether you want it or not, but my sense is that you want nothing more to do with her, and you want her out of your husbands life too. In that case isn't no writing and no contact the simplest way?

If however the purpose of the letter is to induce guilt, or to vent your pain and anger then the motive is self, not love. By all means share your deepest feelings with your husband, and listen too to his, but just dumping them onto the OW heals nothing. If you can't keep them in, and can't bear to share them with your husband, then write them as a letter to the Lord - He will listen! He knows what desertion and treachery feel like - today especially!

Ultimately your road forward lies through forgiveness - you have to let her, and all the pain and anger go. Easy for me to write, hard for you to do. But as you do, your husband will see revealed your full beauty and love, and his heart will respond.

Dave
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