Thread: Just a Mess
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Old 12th December 2007, 01:15 PM   #5
Martin
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Re: Just a Mess

My wife is very independent, however she was brought up very close and her sister also.
Its as though she feels a great sense of loyalty to all of her family and as if she is not there spending time with them, the relationship will suffer as a result, but as I stated to her our marriage suffers and finished because of this!

Although we have made decisions in the past and this has been mentioned in passing over the phone to her mother and she has disagreed and our plan then changed due to guilt!

I asked for a divorce 2 months ago as I was so angry, bitter and hurt about her leaving me. I was not attending church but ended up somehow going an Alpha course with another church with God taking this pain away in an instant when I was prayed for. She was also fighting for me not to do it telling wants to sort it out etc.

I was then able to talk to her rationally, with compassion and draw a line in the sand on things.

I also manage to speak to her Dad for the first time very briefly in a year on any meaningful basis about three weeks ago, he has recently become a Christian.

He acknowledge what I was saying, the following day her mum said to her not to worry about them and she should have a family of her own, which to me was excellent news.

This has been going on two years, a kind of a married but in reality still a Boyfriend and Girlfriend situation. I love her but how long do you let something like this continue for, its not marriage and its not what I said I do for its so hard.

We both have met with an independant marriage councillor 1:1 and we have scheduled a date in January together. I have also been seeing a councillor once a week for the last six months to sort my own head out.

However I sometimes sit here wanting to run from it for good as I am so scared of getting that hurt again or her leaving me again because closer is not close enough!

Sorry this is long, I just get worried and anxious about all this stuff as I want to have a great marriage.

Thank you
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