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Old 16th September 2003, 03:35 PM   #3
joesloppy
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Posts: n/a
Its me again....

Thanks for all your comments concerning my present situation.

Yes, my wife, from what I have seen, still believes that the final decision should be made by her dad. Although its only in certain areas and not in others. And I bet you can guess which area that is, our church.

In any decision we make whether it be going out of town for the weekend and of course, missing church, or doing something on a church night that would involve missing church, or something greater such as moving away, that really involves missing out on his church, her typical response is, You need to talk to my dad. That echoes over and over again in my head and I can't seem to get her to realize that we are married now, we have our own relationship, our own Mind of Christ, our own Will.

I have since accepted this offer of course, everyone acted like HELL had taken over our lives, being critical and presenting fear and doubt the minute we told them(Her Family). My mom was fine, had a peace, but all her family could say is, YOUR LEAVING THE CHURCH??!!! Her sister started crying because the one thing that bothered her was that she would be leaving the church.

Her mother started crying and said this couldn't be of GOD, because it was such short notice to everyone, no-one suspected it or had the change to be told we wanted to move.

Her dad just stated how this wasn't Gods will and He knew GODs will for me and my wife, that knowing Gods will only comes with maturity and He is mature enough to know.

My wife was fine with everything before and after the fact. She only started to begin to question it when she disappeared from our house for two hours and then came back questioning our true purpose. GOD would never let someone leave the church over a job, was one of her arguments. GOD would never have us make such a rash decision; GOD would never pull us away from our ministry, etc...

So, just the other day, my wife and I were in full agreement, we knew that family would disagree, we knew that we would be labeled and called rebellious or we would be "walking away from GOD", getting out from the covering. We knew and still prayed and asked GOD to provide a way out of the control and bless us in another way. For over a month we earnestly sought GOD on this issue and I trusted my wife to be bold on that day when it came. Instead she, I would say, was asked this, Surely did GOD say???, What about this and this. Fear was given to her in the form of, YOU are leaving GOD. She was motivated and she honestly believes that NOW, after I accepted the offer, after we found a place, after we told everyone, including our employers that, SHE prayed wrongly, she shouldn't have asked for those things we agreed on. She realizes now what she wants, and actually that’s a bigger surprise all together.

Her dad told her and I that HE knew Gods will for our life, it was to go to South Africa, really, HE saw it. To with stain from having children and give GOD a year or two overseas. Its a great thing, yes, BUT GOD hasn't told me yet.

NOW my wife insists that this is the TRUE plan of GOD, to go to South Africa, and to wait before we have a family. She says that it must be GOD, because GOD told her dad so. I said, GOD never told me, yet anyway. So I told not to bring it up at church, I must let you know this also, that our church is Non-Denominational, and is only about 30-50 active members. Very small and very close, yes, those who leave are usually labeled rebellious and walking away from GOD, my wife and I knew this and knew it would happen to us.

But she has done a 180 on me; I need to get us into some course or study we can do at home concerning MARRIAGE, its purpose and situations that may come, and our roles in it.

I am afraid to say and do this, but I will not be accepting the offer, although I do see it as an answer. We prayed that the salary would be enough for her to stay at home so we could start a family, and it was, it was 50% more that what I get now. It would have helped us get out of debt far sooner and I would have been a powerful witness for CHRIST, I believe wherever I went.

I must decline the offer now, NOT because I believe GOD has shown me the errors of my way, NOT because I would have been stepping out of GODs will for my life, NOT because I would be running away from GOD, but I must not accept it, NOW, anyway, until my wife has grown and I also. SHE came to a point were she considered almost leaving me because is was to hard to "do something she knew was WRONG". That’s what she would tell me.

I don’t even know what happened to our marriage through this situation; I was blown away by how my wife turned on me and very hurt. I need counsel of course, we both do, BUT I believe the best way for that is not through her DAD, but through prayer of course and some type of study I can buy, we can do at home. Any recommendations are appreciated. I hate to close a door only GOD could have opened but I also realize that if I give up my desire right now for this, that a greater door will be waiting for me. I have to believe that, only because my marriage is so important, and I need to have patience in my wife learning her true role in OUR family now.

Even though I know what would have been alright for me to just go, I can't stand to see my wife hurt as much as she was. Only GOD knew my wife would react this way, and if was just because of "comments made" than GOD only knows what HE has to show my wife now through this. I do believe her eyes will be opened to the selfishness that was displayed by her family, by others in the church, or there hearts will be harden even greater to that fact that GOD was truly lining things up for us, even if it was for a season for my wife and I to grow and her to realize our roles in the marriage.

I must seek GOD now for another door of opportunity, for another chance for my wife to stay at home, to raise our children, another chance for my wife to accept my guidance and not be swayed by others beliefs. Another chance to relocate out of town, which goes a lot deeper than I don't like where I live. My bother murdered a lot of people here to say the least, and is serving a life sentence. There is always a remembrance and a thought of people not accepting you on this basis. I don’t use these as excuses to "get away". But feel time to leave. Our Pastor has left many churches in his time and even his family before he started his church out here where I am. For some reason, he don't believe the same for My wife and I, our place is under him, and him alone. Anything else is not of GOD.

I could go on for hours about what I have been through but I will end it here for now, I have told my wife we are not going and she is greatly relieved and thankful. She believes we are "doing the right thing". I did let her know that in GODs timing she would be shown something’s about this situation that she doesn't understand now. And it didn't have to be this hard at all.
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