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Old 23rd March 2012, 07:11 PM   #30
jan2012
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 22
Re: brink of seperation

Hi Raymond, MC,

thanks for your replies. Raymond, i have started to accept that he is just never going to be a morning person and just to let him sleep in. but when things are very hard sometimes i find myself i cant cope with the night wakenings and minding baby all day too. He does go out at least once a week if not more. i am trying to cope by bringing my mum in for help and company on the nights and weekends he is working or out but its still hard as i feel i never get a break... when it comes around that he does have an hour or 2 to mind the baby, im too exhausted to go out, and try to rest in the house (which rarely happens). But the last couple of times mum has come, shes taken the baby out on a walk, and i felt like a new person afterwards.
we have prayed many times for me - and hubby tells me he is angry at God because he doesn't believe God can heal anymore, its brought his faith down, and he has ended up discouraged - i think this has contributed to his depression. We both assumed i would be healed. yes the church has helped pray too. i still do believe in healing and that we still should be praying...but its hard to motivate us both to be praying together at this time in our lives. i feel like im holding the family up to God at this time - when the baby feeds in the early hours and i can't go back to sleep, thats my prayer time and for this season, its where the strength has to be coming from.
we have decided when we go back next week, we will ask the counsellor if we can go fortnightly - this will help us process our thoughts and have some recovery time before the next session. we both thought every week was too draining.
i am making effort to speak positive words over him - i think he has lost confidence, and over the past months i haven't helped that as i have not encouraged him due to all the conflict. im complimenting him now on how well he's doing at college, with the baby - etc i know it helps him and im hoping it will be a start to turn things around. thanks so much for your advice.

MC how are you keeping? thanks for your insight, im glad im not the only one who felt the stress a baby can bring! i can relate to the competition thing about who is the tiredness etc that has been a source of conflict! your ideas are good - sometimes making the effort just to sit together and watch a good movie can help rather than both of us running around all the time. i wouldn't like to ask for another counsellor really - i would feel really bad doing that. she is really nice its just we probably have too many problems! we will try to keep going and to keep working hard at it - i just pray the sessions will not be used to accuse each other - any counsellor would find it hard to take the positives from that.

the counsellor does often ask us did we realise what we were taking on when we got married, did we realise what this meant, and also she asks us wether what we have is enough to keep us together. she often asks us what we would like changed about the other person...
i realise all these q are helpful in their own way - but they bring up a lot of raw emotion and would it not be more helpful to ask things like, for example, what attracted you to him, or what do you like most about him, or what does he do that makes you feel good?
what are your thoughts on these? am i just being over sensitive?
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