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Old 9th May 2014, 09:17 PM   #6
Posts: n/a
Re: Am i sinning and how do i stop?

This is a very difficult thing to do but I hope you separate the "behavior" from the person you love, and see the positives in all other respects with your life together. Angry confrontations, pleading and accusations only put you further apart. His saying this is "your problem" may be a way to distance himself from the pain he may see in you, that he has caused. I have the feeling that these men do not talk about this because they don't understand what is going on with them either.

I think real career driven, workaholic type A personality types may be more prone to this emotional isolation. Maybe they fear to depend, need, a woman and don't want to meet anothers' needs maybe because they fear inadequacy. Were there other type sexual problems when you did have sex together? Did you feel you were always the one who initiated the sex?

However you deal with this, hopefully, your husband might be willing to discuss it with a counselor or doctor. May I say, be kind in your dealing with him. He may feel terrible about himself, as this kind of problem is almost like a drug. It is a form of release a man uses and he can become dependent on MB for release of stress. Sometimes that is the release from a very demanding work situation. He may not understand why he feels this way. This is a complex issue, and sad for both parties.

There are many components to a marriage. Don't stop loving him because of something that has caused emotional crippling and isolation, as he is like shut inside himself. I feel certain this behavior is not to hurt you. I think many men with this problem are like an autistic child who can't reach out beyond themselves. I feel sorry for both of you.

I would tell him that you love him and you wish he had not built a wall between you. See what he says or if he refuses to discuss this. Have you discussed this with any of your family? Women usually hide this problem and mask it, because they feel responsible and embarrassed. My mother told me that SHE never had such a problem. Translated that meant there was something wrong with me. My mother always competed with me..and she won...she thought. I never discussed this with her or anyone after that. It was then my problem. This is hard to discuss and not to feel bad about inadequate. Try not to take it personally. I don't think it is about YOU at all.
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