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Old 15th May 2009, 03:31 AM   #10
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Re: 7&a half years.wants marriage!

Well, my first instinct is that he is wondering what he's missing out on. That's why I don't recommend people get serious at least until they're in college and preferably not until after graduation. IT is so very common for people to hook up in high school when they 'know' they're in love, but before they're done maturing. No offense, but I honestly think you just don't have the experience and wisdom at your age to know if you're doing the right thing. And I think it's working itself out in your fiance.

"yes perhaps it is me and my internal issues, but aren't they valid too"

Yes they are valid, all feelings are, but I am asking you to allow yourself to see OTHER viewpoints than yours. Can you? Or are you so deadset on being married - this year - that nothing else will suffice. So what if he balks? What if you push him away with this insistence? Are you just going to look around for any other guy to fall in love with, to make sure you get to be married now?

I'm asking you to do the hard work - look honestly at yourself to see WHY you have to be married right now.

Because from this side of the screen it just looks like you are desperate to fulfill some notion of who you are, where you are at this point in your life, and what you can say you've accomplished.

You're in love, you plan on getting married, but he doesn't want to right now. So if you force the issue, he is going into it under duress. Is that really what you want? What a person who loves the other would do?

Or will you do as I'm asking, and find out what is driving this insistence?

How about a concrete pros and cons list on a piece of posterboard? So you can see what you're actually discussing?
I guess, if he really is missing out then perhaps he should not be in a relationship.

I'm at University and this is my 5th year - at age 24 I might not have the wisdom and experience but I believe I have a certain level of maturity to know what I'm doing as well.

Perhaps I feel that at this stage we've stagnated for too long and it's been causing problems...He's not even my fiance yet, he hasn't proposed or anything. Don't get me wrong, I'm not just fixated on getting married now. I already know the fact that I will probably have to wait another 2 years, but I'm wondering if there's any possibility of shortening it to remove the strain between us. Not necessarily you need 2 years to get financially stable right? I'm not forcing him as well.

Pros & Cons of getting married?
The pros outweigh the cons...
What if at the end of 2 years he tells me he's still not ready?

my boyfriend will be very happy with you. perhaps i just have to suck it up and he gets his way. i'll have to suffer and wait. but perhaps it'll make everyone happy in the process. i guess i'm back to square one but that's the way life is.
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