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Old 16th April 2014, 11:05 PM   #29
edgya1234
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Re: Question for men - I would apreciate your candid opinion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
It appears to me like your feeling of rejection was getting in the way Edgya. I have the feeling that you sometimes read rejection when it is not there. Probably because of your past.

We are all damaged people so whatever his faults are or yours it doesn't really matter so long as you are both growing together. You had something together and you can get it back if you both want it. We all have intrinsic value and a crumpled up £10 note is still worth £10.

I feel you have to accept him as he is and he you. Neither of you should try and change the other but if you have love for each other you will both grow. Mother in law must be kept at bay of course as you don't need that control in your marriage. If he doesn't want to stay married there is not much you can do about it but you need to make sure it is not his mother orchestrating this.

I would say it is touch and go regarding this marriage. It really depends on what you both want in your hearts. Being a refuser doesn't help a marriage but you say he wasn't really trying so maybe your initiating would have helped there.
I would start maybe by explaining to him what you have said to us and be honest and even vulnerable about your problem of rejection and that you were not really rejecting him and explain that it's just a problem you can have. Even ask for his forgiveness if you can but don't grovel of course.

If he is open to mending things that should open the way for him to support you both as a married couple. At the moment he is certainly not living as a husband married to you.
He just called me an hour ago. I've talk to him and after the initial shock he told me he still thinks sex in the car is not an option because people can see us and I will freak out. He was like discussing what kind of things he will do or won't do with me and guess what he said he should go to counseling. We discussed those things and he told me that he fixed things in his apartment, the one he is still paying mortgage and I never get to see it because it was let.
Than he remembered he should go bat crazy again.
That I can live in the flat however he does not want to be with me. And I was OK you don't want me, are not attracted to me what the f.... you keep calling me and keep saying these things to me? And he was like...a good question.
He started to find justifications that I asked him for money when he went to Spain working - I was like" you are my husband, I had no job and no business at the moment who was supposed to help me? And he was like yes but he has debs - with his darling mother"; Than he started that I never listen, that he told me that this year is not good for me doing a master bla, bla. (He does not pay a dime for master).
That I never know how to save money, that I spent too much. That I should get a job that pays me 200 Euro / month so I should learn ( and I was like what the... this is what you want for me??? ).
I let him know that he doesn't get a say in what I do with my money and my life if he does not want me in his.
He admitted that he wasn't supposed to upset me when I was depressed (three weeks ago) but he still did it bringing the divorce up. That he cares about me and bla, bla. That he does not know if he want to be with me or is still attracted to me. (I was listening to him and I remember the last networking event I went to all the guys that all over themselves to help me with anything). So I was jokingly telling him - it is your loss baby and he went bat crazy like "do you think I will cry after you?" and I told him nobody controls what he does but himself.
So all this time I was thinking I show up and guys are falling all over and here I am crying my eyes out for this guy who is calling me to tell me all those hurtful things?? I never call him but he keeps calling me in order to do what? to ruin my Easter week?
Is like I swear he has a taste for drama.
And God he kept going until I said no more and I told him please don't call me if you just want to hurt me because I can't take it anymore and hang up.
So God help me I care about him, I want to be with him but I've told him that nobody is going to force him and he can do what he wants. I can't keep this up. Any week is the same, he calls me to say all those hurtful things. What for? If he does not get his **** together he can go do what he wants. I can't keep up with his ups and downs anymore. I will try to move on. It hurts the hell out of me but I need to keep positive.
I hope he will came back to his senses but is a very long shot. I don't know. It hurts like hell hearing him telling me all those things. I still love him bat again women do stupid things sometimes
I really appreciate you being here and trowing a helping hand. I feel so lost ...
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