1aok..
I apologize if I took it wrong. I am "raw" right now. My emotions are flowing all over the place, one minute I'm sad the next I am mad. I went to our marriage counseling without her yesterday because she said she can't go with me. She is exhausted from talking and needs space. The session was pretty uneventful, the typical getting the background information and that is about it. It makes it hard to figure out what is wrong with a relationship when only one of the people are there to tell their side of it. Especially because I am not the one that has the majority of the issues with the other. I can only take the issues that I am aware of and address them, which I am not afraid to do.
As far as her moving out, she is still living at home, but looking for a new place. Last night after my session I got home and she asked me about it so I told her what took place and how the therapist didn't really take my side nor disagree with me. She just said it was good that I realized there was a problem with things I am doing wrong.
I told my wife that I wanted to talk about our daughter because I wanted to get it out of the way, she had brought it up earlier. It went alright, not the best topic to be discussing... how to handle spending time with her
. The conversation was good, the topic bad... we agreed on a lot. It hurts to know that she has already looked into the state law on custody. On top of her already talking to me about "custody" she wanted to talk finances. This friday she wants our accounts to be split. She wants to have her money and I have my money. The problem with that is, is that yes I make more but I get $1000 out of my check each month for daycare plus I am paying for our daughter's insurance which is about another $150. I will be left with one car payment, the house payment & utilities, and any other expenses for our daughter. While she is saying she is going to be getting a $1000/mo apartment. Can you shed some light on this? Is this a typical reaction for a woman or is it an extreme reaction for her? Is she trying to show me this is real and if I don't take it as real it will be over? I sure do feel like it is over.
I went to her this morning and talked to her. I told her that I have to talk to her about something because it involves our daughter. Previously my wife said she is doing this for herself and for our daughter. I told her I was trying to keep us together because I love you and I know you love me, not because of our daughter. I then proceeded to tell her that I gave it a lot of thought last night and I have to think of our daughter too. I said that no matter how we slice it, a separation is not good for her. I have never brought our daughter into this once, but I wanted my wife to take a step back and really think about what is going to happen. I wanted to her to give marriage counseling a shot, even if only for our daughter. We brought her into this mess and we need to let her know that we tried everything. And that if we go it will possibly allow us to get a better perspective on each other's needs and views of the situation. Even if we don't stay together it will be better for our daughter and our separation. She responded with, "I just can't right now, but I will for "L" just not right now. " Right now I take that as her just saying what it takes to get me to drop it. What do you think? Is she serious? When can I ask her again to go, after she moves out for a week?
Last night we discussed me moving out until she found a place. I told her this morning I thought it through last night and I really don't think it the best situation for our daughter. She responded with "I never asked you to move out. " I know she is saying that meaning she said she was moving out. She said she doesn't care if I stay at the house, she just wants me to make sure I give her space. How do I give her "space" in that situation, but still be involved in my daughter's life? If I show her that I can give her space is do you think she will possibly change her mind about moving out?
Something I am very scared of is her family. They are very supported, but I am afraid it isn't the support she needs (maybe just not the support that I want her to have). They said they will support whatever the decision she makes which is normal, but my parents told me "you fix this, you make it work". I know different parenting styles and they know I want to stay together, but they also know a 5 month old is a part of it and the decisions seem so "reactive" instead of thought through. Another thing about her parents support is that she won't realize how much we provide for each other because her parents will give her money any time she needs it. I don't want her to struggle don't get me wrong, but I want to not live a lie. I want my daughter to have everything and I will give her everything, but she doesn't need that expensive apartment or to even move out.
I'm sorry if my thoughts are jumbled, but I have a lot going through my head.
Thanks for the help so far and sorry for the "reactive" response. Emotions were high.