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Old 7th December 2012, 08:30 PM   #1
SKing28
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2
I am finding it difficult to forgive

Please help. Myself and my husband (both Christians) got married about 16 months ago. As far as I was aware we were both happy. I became pregnant about a month after our wedding. Both myself and my husband have jealous tendancies and were trying to work on that but about a month before my baby was born my husband started asking questions about boyfriends that I had before I had met him (he knew about my exes) and he started accusing me of all kinds of things especially cheating which I would never do in a million years. I thought that what he did was quite odd and it caused an arguement that went on for days and made me very upset.
Two weeks after this I started thinking maybe he had cheated on me as he had been going on about it so much and insisting I had cheated on him in the past, which I hadn't. One evening he went out and had left his Ebay account open on the computer. I took a look as I didn't know much about how it all worked. I looked back at some of the last things he had brought and decided to check his messages as I didn't realise you could message people on there.
I found flirty messages between him and 4 female sellers, asking all of them for their used panties and asking if they could post them in discreet packaging. He had also been looking for used stockings. This made me sick to my stomach and very hurt, I was 38 weeks pregnant at the time as well. He always told me he had no money to put aside for bills or our unborn child yet he managed to find 20 to spend on used panties.
I confronted him and he tried to backtrack saying he saw it as a money making opportunity and was going to sell them on which no one in their right mind would believe. Eventually he said in a moment of madness when he was searching on Ebay he came across used panty sellers and went ahead and ordered some. I know as well, as I found the sellers website, that this person would have also sent pictures of herself getting the panties ready for him (sorry if tmi). He said that as soon as he made payment he realised he made a mistake and when they arrived he threw the whole package away without even opening it. I don't believe this for a start as why would he feel guilty after he made payment, why not when he was messaging the girl with lots of in the messages?
It has now been 6 months since I found out about this and I still don't believe he never opened the package or used them or even kept them or is still doing stuff like this behind my back.
During the last few months of my pregnancy I was unable to have sex with him and am wondering if this caused him to do it or maybe it was because I had changed physically.
I feel very hurt all the time and each time we have an arguement I bring it up, I view this as cheating but I don't think he does. Am I being harsh? And how can I overcome this and try to get things back on track? I feel hurt that two weeks before our baby was born all he was thinking of was ways to get off and it makes me sick to my stomach.
I don't know what to do anymore. I know I am supposed to forgive but when it is on my mind that he may have done worse and also I feel like he lies to me about a lot of things. I feel like he is going off the rails. His excuse now when I try to bring it up is that he is a sinful human.
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