Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
One sure way to keep the door closed Ilakatilol. Keep blaming the other person for everything. Nobody can make you do anything. (So... you think he'd be happy me quiting on him... then I'll not be doing **** for him from now... great... just what I want! Quit!)
If you did it you have to take responsibility for it (I agree! So dear hubby... you hear that? I QUIT!). If we keep blaming the other person for our behaviour, hatred and depression we are getting nowhere and dumping our responsibility for our behaviour on the other. Okay he is not perfect but are you? If I lose my temper and shout at my wife I cannot say you made me do it. I have to take responsibility however much I was pushed. I have free will.
OK... but my case is during a normal level talk... he can't hear too good in one ear... so he ignores me, then I get louder the second time, still back turned, silence... I have to repeat *LOUDER* no? So what happens is that *louder* now becomes "ohh, hurt his ears?". Now the responsibilities I can also say if he had acknowledged me in the FIRST time would not have resulted in me having to *repeat* so many times till its at the elevated "level".
Wow... thats still my fault for being ignored by him totally? Isn't that kind of view screwed up? Why?
Is it better that when things are bad, I keep my mouth shut after the first try & let it stew & build instead of really letting him know then?
It is true you are obviously having problems but in my experience it is never 100% the other person. What you are doing is killing the last vestiges of love because your husband is listening to all this on here.
Of course its never 100% others... did I say that? Its a build up of so many neglects & his laziness.... because he always *ignore* and even *made fun of* my opinions (disregarded, disrespected)... did you read "self destructive wife"?
If I have killed the last vestige of his love... let me know. I'll be there, ready to sign! Killing is good... I'll be at rest! Dead to him... don't bother me no more!
I am almost certain that he has good points as well as you have (Yeah he loves me... and you wondered why still?) but you are discouraging yourself by seeing everything black (but he never encouraged all my work was good). I would encourage you to take some responsibility for your life and don't blame him for everything you are feeling (how can i not when he is a LOG? Back to the log theory, if he is really a log, unfeeling... great. No more love, great reason to go!). The glass is half full not half empty. Start from there and try and be positive (Do you know how often this issue has come up? The problem is no matter how positive and in self-denial that positive is... it comes back!!! Can't deny a bad situation & make it like it did not happened into the "good" of it! IF it is a bad situation... IT is ONLY right to CORRECT it, not "cover it up".) . You obviously have problems but all we are seeing is a tirade (I did warn ye its a RANT).
Raymond
|
My POV... sure glass is half empty or full depending on the view.
I am the one hurt, not him... physically & mentally USED (abused but not beaten up or anything) with physical evidence to show!
Him...? Living his life like a well taken cared of LADY (go to work, come home do his health thingy, house maid *ME* takes care of his clothes, socks etc... eat a restaurant like meal *me* "full serviced cook, waiter, server, cleaner, dishwasher"... all he needs to do is just *show up*!
What is missing is the manicures (yes... he gets the bath, massages more than I do... ratio *me* 1:50 *him* times)!
I do this yes.... stupid me (100% responsibility *ME*) b/c its my way of showing that I love him & appreciated him... does he ever has actions to show he is not taking me for granted??? No!
From "His lack of understanding that I needed the sleep b/c I worked till 3 AM, to his bike keeping him fit while I had to be home & watch the kids 3hrs besides the normal sittings to... "you are getting unhealthy.... "Fat" (at size 6) b/c I do not keep up HIS level of fitness (he could bike professionally if he wants "when younger", his brother almost qualified for the Olympics... beyond normal person's time in health).
Just his lack of understanding, then refusal to actually *HEAR* me out, till *blaming* me back for why he did the above (criticize me)... oh and then not even doing his basic husbandly duty (sex... thats a good mental drug to pacify me) because he is too tired from a 3 hr ride... WHERE IS *MY* "positive" ENCOURAGEMENT from him?
None!
Mental & physical relieve from his love??? Might just be more worth it than his way of showing love (all talk without eye contact, back turned than in actions).
Great!
Ya!