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Old 6th March 2010, 09:42 AM   #2
Hopefull1983
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 135
Re: my husband left me with no warning

Oh my word it's like reading my own story. I've had the exact same speal from my husband 'he's changed, grown apart' yada yada yada. They married us just a short time ago, how does someone change so much in such little time hey? My husband decided he no longer loved me 'in the way he used to' 2 weeks after we had just had a lovely weekend away to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary, it was so out of the blue. Like you, we were were happy, in love, travelled the world together, were planning to start a family etc..etc... and then this. I was shell shocked. There was another issue for us which you can read about on my posts, however, I still didn't think that this was going to be the 'breaking' of us. I had been with my husband since I was 17 and he 18 and I'm now 26 and he's 27, but to me that should have no bearing on 'for better for worse, till death do us part'. He said those vows he should have meant them, we're happy together why can't we be together...this is all what you're thinking right? I also thought the 'why couldn't he have decided this before we got married' but now although it's a terrifying thought being 26 and divorced, I wouldn't take back my marriage to my husband, I loved him, I wanted to marry him, I meant my wedding vows and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and for those reasons I don't regret it, I regret how it has turned out but I don't regret my marriage and I know at some point you will feel the same. I know exactly what you're going through and it's hard, it's going to get harder and it's going to get easier at the same time. I recomend buying a book 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' by Andrew G Marshall. I read this and I gave it to my husband to read and I think if it were not too far down the 'making up his mind' stage when he read it he might have given us a chance. If not though, the book I think is a must read for anyone in a relationship. Like you, I don't hate my husband, in fact we're quite good friends now, I don't know how I'm able to do this there's something inside me that wants it and I follow that instinct because it's the easiest thing to do right now. I don't know how the dynamics of our friendship will work if and when either of us meet someone new but I'm not naive enough to think that things will still be the same so I'm prepared for what will come but for now, he's been a big part of my life for almost a decade, he's the only person I can properly talk to about my time travelling, he's the person I still think of if I need advice so for now being his friend is my saviour and I probably should feel angry towards him but the other emotions are enough to deal with and if you're not an angry person then don't change for him!!!
Things will get easier dear, there will be days (I'm feeling a bit like this lately, almost 6 months on) that you doubt that when you're struggling so much to come to terms with everything but there will be good days that give you hope and something to aspire to.
Concentrate on you, be strong, excersise, do something you've always wanted to do, give your husband space but still communicate and let's pray that all of the things he sees you doing will change his thoughts and feelings and he'll come running back to you with open arms, but if not, it's a start to you re-building a new life for number 1.
Thinking of you, ask any questions you want, I'm sure I'll have heard all of the 'talk' that your husband is giving at the moment.

It was like reading my own story reading yours, I can't get over it. You're in my thoughts and prayers. x
__________________
"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." - Nicholas Sparks

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.

Last edited by Hopefull1983; 6th March 2010 at 09:47 AM.
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