[JWD]

Thank you Jools & Ray.

I think I've been too desperate to 'get over it' which is natural I suppose as nobody wants to hurt/cry/be depressed etc. I still think the hypnosis book is good but feel it's too soon to use it as I realise I do need to feel exactly what has and is happening to me. So I'll save it for now.

Re counselling, the first session I was basically telling the counsellor why I felt like this and I was able to say why he was doing all the stuff he was doing and saying and I did feel she was going to say I didn't need it and that worried me, suppose I sometimes think I'm putting on an act. Like in work and friends, they are say how well I'm coping and I am it's just sometimes it all just hits me and totally takes overwhelms me and I think oh my God, this has actually happened. I am good at getting my head around it mostly. I think I'm just now seeing that all the great things we had weren't so great afterall and even if they were, he isn't the person I thought he was and it doesn't really matter what he has done anyway, because I no longer like the person he is so what's my problem? If I were to meet him fresh, I doubt I would entertain him knowing his history and if he were to come back tomorrow and ask me back, I'd have to say no because I no longer like him as a person. I think it helps that I usually go for personality or does everyone? The way I see it, he doesn't have a nice personality anymore so it should be easier to let go. He has proved himself to be a liar, he is weak, he is selfish and he is very cold and immature. That makes it easier to see how I've actually had a lucky escape. My big problem seems to be why I didn't see it before. I mean he hasn't just become like this overnight. Suppose I need to just accept that I didn't see it and look harder next time round.

Another thing I have noticed is that I'm actually a nicer person and happier in other aspects of my life. It's weird but he was so full of hate re stupid things like football etc that I no longer need to worry about a massive 5 hour rant about how unfair and racist this country is. I no longer need to listen to how he can't cope with his workers fighting and worry about him having a break-down in work. This is another point, he is making out that I was the cause of his depression in work which actually makes me smile when I think aboiyt how he would only be in the place 5 mins and I'd get a text threatening how he was going to blow the place up because the kettle wasn't working or someone hadn't set the answer machine LOL.


I spent so long stressing and believing him when he said it was me yet I know it wasn't and why should I believe anything the silly man says after he has be proven to be a liar.

Ha this is what I do, spend half an hour analysing everything he said and then correct it all to what is really going on and disproving in my mind his ridiculous claims. Not sure who is right about the cause but I know what one makes me feel better :-)

So, going a bit crazy with this contents list, do you reckon bed linen counts and what about the lovely light fittings, they were here when we bought right enough ;-)